IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Death penalty is still practiced in jurisdiction system of many countries. Some people believe that this type of punishment should be abolished. However, others are of opposite opinion. Discuss both sides of this debate and give your own opinion.

#death #penalty #jurisdiction #system #countries #people #type #punishment #debate
While
 the death penalty is legal in several countries,
here
Correct your spelling
there
show examples
 always be people who
wants
Change the verb form
want
show examples
 to cancel
this
 "barbarian" rule,
also
 will be who support
such
 kind of
punishment
. There are several arguments on both sides of
this
 very sensitive issue, and I will discuss them now. On the one hand, opponents of
death
Correct article usage
the death
show examples
 penalty note that capital
punishment
 is disturbing human moral rights, and it is basically a wrong way to
make
Correct your spelling
take
show examples
 revenge .
Furthermore
,
method
Correct article usage
the method
show examples
 of
punishment
 for the most dangerous criminals is old, even
Correct word choice
if that
show examples
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 offender is incorrigible and contradictions of that system suggest reform or
create
Wrong verb form
the creation of
show examples
 a new
punishment
 system.
Finally
, we do not give the prisoners a second chance to change.
Besides
, many cases had been when the real criminal escaped
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
trial and the innocent soul of
prosecution
Correct article usage
the prosecution
show examples
 claimed to
guilty
Add a missing verb
be guilty
show examples
 of false claims.
On the other hand
, advocates of
this
 rule
telling
Verb problem
say
show examples
this
 is the most humane way to get rid of a person who does not have moral ethics.
Apart from
this
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 who
did
Verb problem
committed
show examples
 cruel
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
 against society never
return
Wrong verb form
returned
show examples
 to normal life, and
be
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
such
 kind of threat to people.
In addition
, capital
punishment
 is that they
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 people an idea of what the law is capable of doing and the criminal can never escape from the
punishment
 no matter who.
To sum up
, we can say that capital
punishment
 is the harsh reality of our world.
Also
, on one hand, it decreases the crime rate and on the other violates many human rights.
Moreover
, all these types of
punishment
 are not justifying and
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 must find an alternative for it.
Submitted by sula_.97 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that your essay fully addresses the prompt and provides a balanced discussion of both sides of the debate. Support your arguments with specific examples, and avoid jumping to conclusions in your closing statements.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas in a more coherent and cohesive manner. Use transition words and phrases to connect your ideas and ensure that your essay flows logically from one point to the next.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • capital punishment
  • jurisdiction
  • deterrent
  • morality
  • rehabilitation
  • wrongful convictions
  • innocence
  • retribution
  • ethical dilemmas
  • life sentence
  • judicial system
  • human rights
  • lethal injection
  • electric chair
  • justice
  • penal system
  • recidivism
  • appeal process
  • clemency
  • miscarriage of justice
What to do next:
Look at other essays: