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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart and graph below give information about participants who have entered the Olympics since it began. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting on the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The chart and graph below give information about participants who have entered the Olympics since it began. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting on the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
The bar chart provides information about the
number
Use synonyms
 of male and female
athletes
Use synonyms
 in the Olympics
while
Linking Words
 the line graph just illustrates about
Use synonyms
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
participants
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. Both the chart and graph show
participant
Fix the agreement mistake
participants
show examples
 who entered the
Olympic
Fix the agreement mistake
Olympics
show examples
 from 1924 to 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, both the
number
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 of male and female
participants
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 rocketed significantly. We can notice that there is a massive difference between
percentage
Add an article
the percentage
show examples
 of male and female
participants
Use synonyms
. Looking at the bar chart it is
apparently
Change the word
apparent
show examples
 there are considerably more
paeticipants
Correct your spelling
participants
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 male than female. The
number
Use synonyms
 of male
participants
Use synonyms
 in the Olympics was about 3000 in 2004,
being
Change the form of the verb
is
show examples
 higher than
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 by approximately 2990 people. We can see that
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 hardly entered the Olympics in 1924 and 1952, the
number
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 of female
athletes
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 in 1924 and 1952 respectively is about 100 and 500. The
number
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 of female
athletes
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 continued to have a
dramatical
Replace the word
dramatic
show examples
increase
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 from 1984 to 2012, was about 1500
participants
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 in 1984 and went up to about 4800
athletes
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in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the end of
ther
Correct your spelling
the
their
period
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the
number
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 of male
participants
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 is
increase
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 considerably to almost 4500 in 1952 and
coutinued
Correct your spelling
continued
continue
 to go up to the end of
Use synonyms
period
Add an article
the period
show examples
, hitting a high point of about 5900 in 2012, just being higher than female
athletes
Use synonyms
 by approximately 1100 people. The line graph shows a steady
increase
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 through the
period
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, from 2500
atheles
Correct your spelling
athletes
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the beginning to 11000
participants
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 in the
years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
show examples
 2012. The most dramatic
increase
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 is the
period
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 between 1984 and 2012
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when the
number
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 of
athletes
Use synonyms
 rose from about 6200 to 11000
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the end of the
period
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, athletes, participants, increase, period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 8 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "went up" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 8 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatic" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "considerably" was used 2 times.
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