IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

some people believe that people who read books can develop more imagination and language skills than those who prefer to watch TV. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #books #imagination #language #skills #tv
People can gain knowledge from reading
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
books
. Some people opine that watching
TV
 gives more skills,
while
 others argue that
it
Add a verb
it is
it was
show examples
 only achievable with reading
books
. I agree with the latter view. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I delve into the reasons for it. There are a plethora
advantages
Change preposition
of advantages
show examples
 of reading
books
. One main reason would be, by reading
books
, one can become
intellectual
Add an article
an intellectual
the intellectual
show examples
 person. What I mean by
this
, when reading
essay
Fix the agreement mistake
essays
show examples
, we tend to put more concentration on the subject which results
acquire
Wrong verb form
in acquiring
show examples
 more
in depth
Add a hyphen
in-depth
show examples
 knowledge and
improves
Wrong verb form
improving
show examples
 strong vocabulary. It helps us
in carrier wise
Replace the word
career-wise
show examples
 and in
studies
Correct pronoun usage
our studies
show examples
.
For Instance
,
alchemist
Correct article usage
the alchemist
show examples
 novel has many effective points which are significant for
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation. Studying
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these publications can improve
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their life.
Therefore
, it is vital to read different genre
books
 than watching
TV
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which causes more harm to our body. On the other side, nowadays
TV
 is common in every house and it is accessible to everyone. Watching television has too many disadvantages. People cannot watch for longer hours and watching
more
Change preposition
for more
show examples
 time
results
Add the preposition
results in
results from
show examples
 health
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 like
eyes
Fix the agreement mistake
eye
show examples
 paining and obesity. Watching
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
 is not as effective as a reading book. Some kids who do not have
parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
show examples
 support
while
 watching
tv
, they're more chances that kids get addicted to watching abusive
video
Fix the agreement mistake
videos
show examples
 which results
spoiling
Change preposition
in spoiling
show examples
 their
carrier
Correct your spelling
careers
show examples
. To put it in a nutshell, I pen down, saying that, reading
book
Fix the agreement mistake
books
show examples
 has
tremendous
Correct word choice
more
show examples
 benefits than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
watching
TV
. Considering
above
Correct article usage
the above
show examples
 view, I would agree with the option of reading
book
Correct article usage
a book
show examples
.
Submitted by chigurupati on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Provide a clearer thesis statement that specifically addresses the given question.
coherence and cohesion
Organize your ideas more clearly with clear topic sentences for each paragraph.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your essay.
grammatical range and accuracy
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and sentence structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: