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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below gives information about UK independent films. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below gives information about UK independent films. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The table illustrates
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
independent films of
different
Change the article
a different
show examples
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
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 and
Republic
Correct article usage
the Republic
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 of Ireland in 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, drama and
documentary
Fix the agreement mistake
documentaries
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 had the highest
number
Use synonyms
 for release
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 film. From
total
Correct article usage
the total
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 released,
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
apply
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only biopic was at the bottom of
chart
Add an article
the chart
show examples
 with the lowest
number
Use synonyms
 of
movies
Use synonyms
. At the same time
earning
Correct your spelling
earnings
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 from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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comedy
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 the highest in 2012. As the graph shows, there was the highest
number
Use synonyms
 of
Add an article
the movie
a movie
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movie
Fix the agreement mistake
movies
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 released at 35 for drama and documentary categories ,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 was
largest
Change the article
the largest
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number
Use synonyms
 of total reused.
Whereas
Linking Words
, the
earning
Correct your spelling
earnings
show examples
 from these categories stood at 8.3% and 2.9% respectively. Afterwards, 26 comedy
movies
Use synonyms
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 released in 2012 with
the
Correct article usage
a
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 percentage of 17.6% since,
this
Linking Words
categories
Fix the agreement mistake
category
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 had the highest earning, at 45.4% from ticket sales.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 for
horror
Correct article usage
the horror
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 films group accounted for about 14
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 was exactly double
than
Correct word choice
that
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crime
Change preposition
of crime
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, at 7. But there was a huge difference in their
income
Use synonyms
 around
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
20.2% from horror
movies
Use synonyms
 compared to 4.7% from crime shows.
Moreover
Linking Words
, thriller
movies
Use synonyms
 had only 8.8% of
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
 released which was
Correct article usage
the sums
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sums
Fix the agreement mistake
sum
show examples
 of romantic
movies
Use synonyms
, at 3.4%
as well as
Linking Words
 other
movies
Use synonyms
, at 5.4% in 2012.
Lastly
Linking Words
, only 1 biopic film was released in 2012 where the
number
Use synonyms
 was
one fourth
Add a hyphen
one-fourth
show examples
 compared with 4
movies
Use synonyms
 of
action
Add an article
the action
show examples
 genre. Meanwhile, the trend for revenue
income
Use synonyms
 was
reverse
Wrong verb form
reversed
show examples
,
9.1
Change preposition
with 9.1
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%
income
Use synonyms
 from
sale
Add an article
the sale
show examples
 of biopic movie tickets, higher than
4.1
Correct article usage
the 4.1
show examples
%
income
Use synonyms
 from
action
Correct article usage
the action
show examples
 category.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, movies, income with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • independent films
  • box office earnings
  • genre
  • budget
  • dramatic increase
  • niche market
  • experimental cinema
  • diversification
  • profitability
  • audience interest
  • investment in film industry
  • low-budget films
  • high-budget films
  • release trends
  • performance metrics
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