IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health and diet. Others however believe that governments should make sure that their citizens have a healthy diet. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #responsibility #individuals #care #health #diet #governments #citizens
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Some say that every person should look after their own
health
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 while others are of the opinion that states should ensure a healthy
diet
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 for all.
This
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 essay argues that
although
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 the government should emphasize on improving its citizens’
health
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 by regulating unhealthy
food
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, it is an individual’s duty to ensure his/her well-being by maintaining a balanced
diet
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. According to some, governments are fully responsible for ensuring proper
health
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 of their citizens. Most of the
health
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-related diseases,
such
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 as diabetes, kidney dysfunction, heart attacks are directly linked with the over-consumption of fast
food
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. Governments can take preventive measures by imposing a higher tax on junk
food
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.
As a result
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, fewer (not less) people will be able to afford these foods, which in turns will improve the
health
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 of society.
Also
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, smoking, which is the primary cause of lung cancer, can be reduced by putting higher duty fees on cigarettes and other narcotics.
For example
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,
last
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 year in the UK, the government imposed a higher tax on cigarettes, and
as a result
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, more and more people gave up on smoking.
However
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, I believe that individuals have far greater responsibilities to take care of their own well being. Every person has the freedom to decide how they will lead their life. If someone wishes to live a healthy life, he/she will need to do physical exercise regularly. It is
exercise
Suggestion
an exercise
 that reduces stress and makes a person healthy.
Also
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, people need to be more cautious about the foods that they eat. To live well, one needs to add nutritious foods with lots of fibre and vitamins in their regular
diet
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, and try to avoid unhealthy processed foods as much as possible.
For example
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, research shows that eating fruits and vegetables every day (not everyday) and doing exercise regularly increase life expectancy by 10 years. In conclusion, in spite of the fact that government should ensure a healthy
diet
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 for its residents by imposing higher tax on fast
food
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 and cigarettes, I believe that individuals should be more cautious about their fitness, and should work out regularly, as well as eating healthy and nutritious
food
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.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health-conscious decisions
  • self-discipline
  • informed choices
  • personal accountability
  • regulating food industries
  • implementing policies
  • healthy eating
  • public health campaigns
  • subsidies for healthy food
  • enabling environment
  • accessible
  • affordable
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