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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara desert or the Antarctic. What are the advantage and disadvantage of tourist who visits such places?

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Places
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 where conditions are the
worse
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worst
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,
such
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 as the Amazon
river
Capitalize word
River
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 or the Antarctic become more popular for
adventurers
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 because some
people
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 desire more excitement and more experience.
Therefore
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,
this
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 essay will discuss both the
positve
Correct your spelling
positive
 and negative of
people
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 who prefer
this
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 kind of
place
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. On the one hand, the
safety
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 of
tourists
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 is the most important for
adventurers
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. Some
people
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 may have watched a movie about the accident of
tourists
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 in
the
Correct article usage
a
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 large area of arid or the middle of the sea.
People
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 who love adventure go to dangerous
places
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 without a
safety
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 plan.
For example
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, some
people
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 who go to the desert alone without leaving a message for other
people
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 have to live without food and water for many days because they are injured during travelling.
As a result
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, some
tourists
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 become a patient because of travelling without a
safety
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 plan.
On the other hand
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,
adventurers
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 could be the first group who
finds
Wrong verb form
find
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 unspoiled
places
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. It would be a special moment
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 if some
people
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 found a
place
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 where have never been found.
Thus
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, many
tourists
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, especially photographers, go to
this
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 kind of
place
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 because of the spectacular scenery.
for instance
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, some photographers who desire to take a photo of an animal go to the Amazon.
Moreover
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, some
people
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 go to The Everest mountain because they want to
be in
Verb problem
take
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 a selfie photo with The view at the summit of The Everest mountain. In conclusion, travelling to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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places
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where
Correct word choice
that
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 could be a harmful
place
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 can be the thing that must be done before
die
Change the verb form
dying
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 for the
adventurers
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.
However
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, there are some drawbacks,
such
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 as an accident
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 travelling.
Therefore
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,
This
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 essay suggests all
adventurers
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to
Remove the particle
apply
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have a
safety
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 plan before visiting the
places
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 like
this
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.

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task response
Ensure that the essay addresses all aspects of the task prompt and provides a comprehensive response.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the introduction and conclusion by clearly summarizing the main points and presenting a stronger thesis statement.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Remote areas
  • Unique experiences
  • Personal growth
  • Resilience
  • Adaptability
  • Local economies
  • Cultural exchange
  • Environmental degradation
  • Ecosystems
  • Climate change
  • Specialized equipment
  • Accessibility
  • Personal safety
  • Isolation
  • Extreme conditions
  • Employment opportunities
  • Cultural exchange
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