The maps below show the centre of a small town called Islip as it is now, and plans for its development.

The maps below show the centre of a small town called Islip as it is now, and plans for its development.
The 1st pictorial
diagram
represents the present situation of the Islip town centre and
2nd
Correct article usage
the 2nd
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pictorial
diagram
presents its development in the future.
Overall
, there will be a dual carriageway round
of
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this
city, build up a new car park, a new shopping centre and a bus station in the future.
However
, the size of every construction will be increased as compared to
previous
Correct article usage
the previous
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.
According to
the 1st
diagram
, the town is as close to its countryside in the north direction.
Moreover
, there are a total of 16 shops in the position of west-east. There is a main road that divides the town into two portions in the direction of
the
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east to west. On the south side, there are some areas for housing and in front of the main road, there is a school.
According to
the 2nd
diagram
, the main road will be transformed into a dual carriageway, and the number of shops will be decreased.
However
, some new housing areas will be induced in the northeast, south, and beside the carriageway.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "according to, however".
Vocabulary: Replace the words diagram with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "diagram" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "present" was used 2 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Small town
  • Centre
  • Development
  • Maps
  • Plans
  • Introduce
  • Topic
  • Purpose
  • Essay
  • Description
  • Current
  • Key features
  • Facilities
  • Advantages
  • Positive aspects
  • Benefits
  • Proposed
  • Changes
  • Improvements
  • Suggested
  • Potential
  • Course of action
  • Summarize
  • Opinion
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