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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.
The graph below provides information about the bonus of the society aged 65 and over during the 1940 to 2020 period in 3 different territories.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the lowest ratio of elderly people
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 represented by Japan.
While
Linking Words
,
on the
Linking Words
contrary
Add a comma
,contrary
show examples
 the highest percentage of the latter was present in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
. In 1940 the proportion of elderly people in the USA went through many considerable fluctuations during the period from 1940 until 2040 where it estimated a gradual growth,
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
show examples
 compared to the beginning the USA ratio
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
 drastically, becoming
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2040 the territory with the lowest percentages. Some fluctuations occurred in Sweden as well,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1940
this
Linking Words
 territory accounted
5
Change preposition
for 5
show examples
% of
ancient
Add an article
an ancient
show examples
 population,
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
show examples
 it accomplished a markedly rose in 1980,
then
Linking Words
 following other fluctuations until 2020, Sweden had a rapid
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
increase
Replace the word
increasingly
show examples
 becoming the
second
Linking Words
 country with the highest chunk of those people.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, at the
beginning
Add a comma
,beginning
show examples
 Japan was the country that accounted
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 lowest
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 of these individuals.
This
Linking Words
 situation drastically changed starting from
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
2020 until
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
2040 years,
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 a
sharply
Change the word
sharp
show examples
 and
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast
changed
Replace the word
change
show examples
 occurred, making Japan the country with the highest fee

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: The word "changed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuations" was used 3 times.
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