As an international student in Sweden, you have an account with a local bank. The monthly bank transfer you receive from your parents has been delayed this month due to an error at your parents’ bank. Write a letter to your bank. In your letter: introduce yourself and ask for a loan say why you need the money tell how you intend to pay back the money

Dear Sir, I am writing

this

Linking Words

letter in

regards

Fix the agreement mistake

regard

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to applying for a student loan as my

saving

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savings

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and momentum account is associated with your Scotia bank. My name is Peter

parker

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Parker

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and

having

Wrong verb form

I have

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an Account number 437-9987 in the downtown branch with no bad credits and

clean

Correct article usage

a clean

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record. Once you go through my account, you will be able to see international transactions of money transfer from

home

Correct article usage

the home

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country every month since 2 years

back

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apply

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, which didn't show up in the current month. Needless to say, being a

student

Punctuation problem

student,

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it's really hard to manage expenses in a foreign country with

part-time

Correct article usage

a part-time

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work allowance. As you know,

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the winter and bad weather conditions

Punctuation problem

, mostly

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mostly

Use the right word

most

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companies gradually decrease their workforce and only keep permanent employees

Change preposition

during

show examples

Correct article usage

the

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slow period of work. Meanwhile, Money transfer from parents is the only fund to survive and pay expenses

such

Linking Words

as rent, utilities and transit pass. I assume you fathom

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apply

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the contemporary time and issue the loan amount of $1500 with sufficient time to pay back. I am committed to

return

Wrong verb form

returning

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the money as soon as I receive funds from my home and

error

Correct article usage

the error

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get

Correct subject-verb agreement

gets

show examples

sorted

Punctuation problem

, so

show examples

Punctuation problem

apply

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I can stay loyal and avoid bankruptcy in any scenario. Please feel free to call me at 578790 if you need any

detail

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details

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and possible negotiation on the interest rate of the total loan amount

Punctuation problem

, so

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I can pay

all

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it all

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in 3 months. Yours faithfully peter

amandeepkumar47

May 15, 2020

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coherence and cohesion

Try to organize your points more clearly. Each paragraph should have one main idea.

coherence and cohesion

Add a direct greeting and closing formula to make the letter more polite.

task response

Mention how you will ensure to pay on time every month or discuss how confident you are in your future funds.

task achievement

You explained clearly why you need the loan and your plan to pay it back.

task achievement

You have a polite tone throughout the letter.

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2
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
23
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

6 paragraphs

239 words

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