Some people think art such as sculpture and music cannot improve the quality of people’s lives so the government should not spend money on them but on health and defence. What is your opinion?

#people #art #sculpture #music #quality #people’s #lives #government #money #health #defence

Countries around the globe has been plagued by major issues like poverty and unemployment. These are one fundamental yet intricate

problems

Suggestion

problem

that our world

have

Suggestion

has

to deal with, albeit many policies and solutions have been

putting

Suggestion

put

into effect, the results were not prominent. Arts certainly

can not

cannot

claim to be a key possibility to solve these problems.

Thus

, I agree with the statement that governments should invest

Suggestion

other

sectors but

Accept comma addition

sectors, but

not arts to improve the living conditions of their citizens

Accept space

and I will explain the reasons here.

Firstly

, it seems simplistic to say that

arts

Suggestion

the arts

Suggestion

are

paramount

for

Suggestion

the quality of people’s lives. Certainly, when considering how arts can lift one’s mood up and make them feel optimistic about the future through the works of Michelangelo or Leonardo da Vinci, we can see its

influential

Suggestion

influence

impacts even until now.

However

, not everyone is truly

appreciates

Suggestion

appreciated

and

enamored

marked by foolish or unreasoning fondness

enamoured

arts

Suggestion

the arts

, those who are not will be outrageous, thinking the officials are spending the budgets lavishly on unnecessary things like paintings or sculptures.

Secondly

, arts neither

brings

Suggestion

bring

financial nor welfare benefits to the people. Unlike sectors like healthcare or housing, arts do not offer these securities.

For example

, it would be unimaginable for the impoverished communities

to have

Suggestion

have

access to universal

healthcare

Suggestion

health care

or affordable housing via the spiritual values that arts provide.

Finally

, it is surely wiser to regard

arts

Suggestion

art

as something governments should spend on after using the resources for pivotal issues like inflation, illiteracy or housing to improve the quality of life for the less fortunate ones than prioritizing it. To conclude, art

does ensures

Suggestion

does ensure

the psychological wellbeing of citizens and makes our society more vibrant but it does not bring any significant economic benefits to our lives.

Submitted by harunosakura2002 on Sat May 16 2020

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

290 words

4.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

cultural capital
therapeutic
well-being
creativity
critical thinking
stimulate local economies
national pride
heritage
symbolic
freedom of expression
cultural diversity
tangible benefits
beacon of resilience
diplomatic tools
promoting peace

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Some people think art such as sculpture and music cannot improve the quality of people’s lives so the government should not spend money on them but on health and defence. What is your opinion?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

In today's world, many people own a smarrtphone.Do you think the advantages of using a smartphones outwiegh the disadvantages?

Nowadays it is possibe to use computers and moblie phones for automatic language translation, and there is no need for human translators and interpreters. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Once children start school, teachers have more influence than parents on their intellectual and social development. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Studies show that many criminals have a low level of education. For this reason, some people believe that the best way to reduce crime is to educate people in prison so they could get a good job once they are released. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?