IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Children today play very violent games. This must be the reason for the increase in violence and crime in most major cities of the world. What are your opinions on this?

#children #games #reason #violence #crime #cities #world
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Now a day, kids enjoy computer games composed of fights. Some say the advancement in fights and corruption could be because kids get to play
such
Linking Words
 games.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees with the same as, kids learn from what they see and
such
Linking Words
 games show
violence
Use synonyms
 as a cool thing
also
Linking Words
, children can think of different ideas of hurting people. Children mock what they see, we all know that. The video games acts on the behaviour of the young generation. Soon or later, they will try to be the cool dude in the game and unknowingly they are attracted towards the
violence
Use synonyms
. A study has shown that 40% of children who gets to see any sort of
violence
Use synonyms
 in their childhood shows aggressive behaviour in their teenage. If
such
Linking Words
 teenagers are not kept in a suitable environment, they eventually become criminals. From a very young age, parents put ideas in the minds of young people, so that they are not distracted from achieving their future aspirations in a defined manner. But the games gives ideas in the minds of people that there could be an easier ways to achieve those dreams. A research shows that 60% of criminals admit that the crime committed by him/her could have been avoided, if there was some guidance. To conclude, one of the many reasons of increase in
violence
Use synonyms
 could be the kind of atmosphere in which a child stays like games he/she is playing. The youth should be trained for a better future rather
Linking Words
then
conjunction used in comparatives
than
 putting ideas in their minds to look for workarounds for hard work. Technology is for the betterment of society and should be used for that only.
Submitted by dahiyaannu.13 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: