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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the percentages of male and female students getting top grades in 1960 and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the percentages of male and female students getting top grades in 1960 and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The supplied bar graph compares the rate of male and female students with the highest grades in 1960 and 2000, in terms of science, arts, maths,
languages
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 and
humanities
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. In the 60s, males got
high
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a high
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result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
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 in science and math - between 30 and 40
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 females got high marks in several subjects ,
such
Linking Words
 as art and
humanities
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 with 30-35
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and
languages
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 with 45
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. The smallest
digestibility
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 of male students
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 art - less than 10
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
,
whereas
Linking Words
 the lowest
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
digestibility
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 of female students
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 math accounting for approximately 5
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. With
regart
Correct your spelling
regard
regards
 to
2000s
Correct article usage
the 2000s
show examples
, males had the highest
digestibility
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 of got marks were
humanities
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 - more than 40
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
,
however
Linking Words
,
digestibility
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 of math was less than in the 1960s and amounted to only 15
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. Other subjects ,
suh
Correct your spelling
such
 as
languages
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, art and science had almost the same percentage of
digestibility
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. Yet, women received lower grades
this
Linking Words
 year than in the 1960s. The percentage of grades in
languages
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 was 30
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, in
humanities
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 and arts around 20
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 mastering mathematics
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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still accounted for 5
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words languages, humanities, percent, digestibility with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentages
  • top grades
  • achievement
  • gender disparity
  • educational trends
  • academic performance
  • comparison
  • decade
  • educational policy
  • societal expectations
  • improvement
  • educational attainment
  • graduates
  • academic excellence
  • statistics
  • educational landscape
  • benchmark
  • parity
  • gender roles
  • historical data
  • performance indicators
  • educational improvements
  • longitudinal study
  • scholastic achievement
  • gender gap
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