IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

It is often said that it is not necessary to have a tertiary education to become a successful businessman. To what extent to you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your opinion and relevant examples.

#education #businessman
University is the shortest way to
success but
Accept comma addition
success, but
that is
 not the only way. There is no need to go to university to become a successful entrepreneur. I completely agree with
this
 idea. To become a successful entrepreneur, we not only have the
knowledge but
Accept comma addition
knowledge, but
also
 the experience and skills. Every year, thousands of excellent graduates are still unemployed because they do not have the skills and experiences, many of them are trained at top schools. People can acquire new
knowledge
 through the mass media
such
 as the Internet, television, radio, news or even the events that occur in everyday.
Therefore
, just sitting
on
Suggestion
in
 the lecture hall to acquire
knowledge
 is not necessarily good. In fact, there are many entrepreneurs around the world who have become successful entrepreneurs without completing higher education, typically the inventor of Microsoft - Bill Gate.
Although
 he doesn't finish college, he still holds the top position of the world's largest software company for years through
labor
a social class comprising those who do manual labor or work for wages
labour
 and creativity in his passion. It can be said that,
in addition
 to attending college, working and gaining experience for yourself is
also
 a very good path. In
conclution
a position or opinion or judgment reached after consideration
conclusion
, I agree with the university opinion that the shortest path to success but not the only
path but
Accept comma addition
path, but
 to become a successful entrepreneur, must definitely constantly learn, accumulate
knowledge
 and experience for myself. Remember that not attending college does not mean dropping out.
Submitted by thanhngoc03022003 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: