In some countries, people follow the latest fashion and hairstyles. In your opinion, what is influencing this? Is this a good or bad thing?

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Fashion
Use synonyms
plays an important role in our society. And, over the
last
Linking Words
couple of
decades people
Accept comma addition
decades, people
have become
fashion
Use synonyms
conscious. The main reason for
this
Linking Words
trend is
firstly
Linking Words
, globalisation of designer labels and
secondly
Linking Words
,
celebrities
Suggestion
celebrity
celebrity's
endorsement on social media, which I feel leaves a negative effect on our mental wellbeing and personal finance. As
world
Suggestion
the world
is becoming
global village
Suggestion
a global village
and, easy access to brands, people are buying never
then
Linking Words
before. Young people
wants
Suggestion
want
to look different and successful.
Hence
Linking Words
, latest
fashion
Use synonyms
and hairstyles are in trend. But, how can
this
Linking Words
have
adverse effect
Suggestion
an adverse effect
on mental health? Well, when people
tries
Suggestion
try
to idolise celebs, they become
victim
Suggestion
victims
a victim
of identity crises, which leads to mental health issue.
For instance
Linking Words
, one of my
friend
Suggestion
friends
, who became so obsessed with Bollywood actor style, lost his own personality, resulting in mental breakdown. Following the latest
fashion
Use synonyms
means spending huge amount on latest clothes. As trend keeps on changing, buyers drain lots of money on things they do not require.
Therefore
Linking Words
, people
runs
Suggestion
run
out of their budget before their salary, ending in
vicious circle
Suggestion
a vicious circle
the vicious circle
of debt.
For example
Linking Words
, a friend of mine
spend
Suggestion
spends
large chunk
Suggestion
a large chunk
of his salary purchasing branded clothes, which eventually, gets out of
fashion
Use synonyms
becoming outdated
next
Linking Words
year.
Hence
Linking Words
, he never saves his money for unprecedented event. In conclusion, the practice of following
latest
Suggestion
the latest
fashion
Use synonyms
under the influence of celebrities, should be discouraged, as it not just leads to
mental breakdown
Suggestion
a mental breakdown
/identity crises,
also
Linking Words
,
impact
Suggestion
the impact
on individual pocket.
Submitted by rahul on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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