IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

There is growing evidence that man-made activities are making global temperatures higher. What might be the man-made causes of temperatures rising? How should we deal with this problem?

#evidence #activities #temperatures
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The mentioned bar graph illustrates the proportion of Britishers who purchased
Use synonyms
pop
Suggestion
a pop music album
pop music albums
music
Use synonyms
 album in a particular
year
Use synonyms
. The data are calibrated in the form of percentages on the x-axis while the age and sex brackets are depicted on the y-axis on the graph. Overall, it can be deduced that males were more interested to acquire
pop
Use synonyms
music
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, the 25-34
year
Use synonyms
 category bought the most albums while 45+ ones purchased the least. From the bar graph, it was observed that males outnumbered females by 10%, just under 30% of males and 20% of females bought
pop
Use synonyms
music
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, 25-34
year
Use synonyms
 British citizens purchased the most albums, contributing to a one-
third
Linking Words
 share of sales, which is closely followed by young adults belonging to 16-24
year
Use synonyms
 category having an exact 30% of the proportion.
In addition
Linking Words
, a mere one-quarter of 35-44 aged people had a taste in
pop
Use synonyms
music
Use synonyms
, while an insignificant one-tenth of the elderly population was interested to buy the
music
Use synonyms
 album.
Submitted by dhavanit1973 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: