Some people think traditional games are better than modern games in helping children develop their abilities. To what extent do you agree?

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It is argued that

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apply

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some individuals reckon that conventional

games

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are more effective rather than today's

games

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in order to cultivate

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child's

Correct article usage

a child's

show examples

skills

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This

Linking Words

essay completely

agree

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agrees

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with

this

Linking Words

statement because

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apply

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traditional

games

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are more based

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action and it helps to develop their knowledge that

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is more

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enjoyed from life compared to modern

ones

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. It is true that

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apply

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conventional

games

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could

keep saving

Wrong verb form

save

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children from

to adopt

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adopting

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a sedentary

lifestyle

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as well

Linking Words

Correct word choice

and

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some of them make children

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apply

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think

such

Linking Words

as chess can help youngsters

Verb problem

apply

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develop independent thinking

skill

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skills

show examples

Furthermore

Linking Words

according to

Linking Words

based-action traditional

games

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like hide-and-seek can aid

to maintain

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in maintaining

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a healthy

lifestyle

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and improve a

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child

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child's

show examples

professional

abilities

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For example

Linking Words

, recent research concluded that traditional

ones

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are more likely to help a

child

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to cultivate their

abilities

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and it is observed that by playing they foster more specific

skills

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that are required in

this

Linking Words

day and age. Modern

games

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actually are characterised by electronic devices which means the

skills

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to use digital devices adeptly can be trained via playing modern

games

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. One of the main demerits of playing current

games

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is that it leads them to approach to sedentary

lifestyle

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after sitting in one place,

also

Linking Words

Remove the redundancy

apply

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can be caused certain

disease

Fix the agreement mistake

diseases

show examples

such

Linking Words

as obesity. In my opinion, today's

games

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will only maintain their knowledge and assist

to foster

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in fostering

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some hidden

abilities

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, but conventional

games

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balance their healthy

lifestyle

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and

helps

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help

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to improve specific

abilities

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For instance

Linking Words

, medical

scientist

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scientists

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agree

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apply

show examples

that in conventional

games

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are not available any demerits sides but modern

ones

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in place. In conclusion, I believe that conventional

games

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have the features

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

to improve

child

Use synonyms

skills

Use synonyms

Linking Words

also

Correct word choice

and also

show examples

keep their health because of

mobility

Correct article usage

the mobility

show examples

they have and can enjoy

from

Change preposition

apply

show examples

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

real life that

Correct your spelling

show examples

not available in modern

ones

Use synonyms

hamrayevozodbek1Wed May 20 2020

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coherence cohesion

Ensure clearer transitions between ideas and paragraphs for smoother flow.

task achievement

Provide more specific examples to support your points for a stronger argument.

coherence cohesion

Clarify some complex sentences to improve overall comprehension.

task achievement

The essay clearly states a position and provides reasons for the viewpoint.

coherence cohesion

Introduction and conclusion are appropriately structured, effectively framing the essay.

task achievement

Distinctive points are made regarding both traditional and modern games.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
27
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

299 words

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Some people think traditional games are better than modern games in helping children develop their abilities. To what extent do you agree?

Your opinion

Some people believe that successful sports teams are always those with the strongest or fittest players. Others think that success depends more on the team’s mental strength. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people think women should be allowed to join the army, the navy and the air force just like men

Living in large cities today poses many problems for people. What are these problems? Should governments encourage more people to live in smaller towns?

Large numbers of people participate in sports that are extremely dangerous. Why do you think people do this? How can the risks of participation be minimised?