IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the percentage of greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use.

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the percentage of greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use.
#first #energy #australian #household #second #percentage #greenhouse #gas #emissions
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The first pie chart illustrates
average
Correct article usage
the average
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energy
Use synonyms
usages
Fix the agreement mistake
usage
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 in a typical Australian family
while
Linking Words
 the
second
Linking Words
 pie chart shows the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
greenhouse
Use synonyms
gas
Use synonyms
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
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 from
this
Linking Words
energy
Use synonyms
 consumption. As is presented, water heating and heating & cooling consume the highest
energy
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 and they produce the highest
percentage
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 of
greenhouse
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 gases in Australia.
According to
Linking Words
 the given data, water heating
system
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systems
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 consumed 23% of total
energy
Use synonyms
 consumption in an Australian household
while
Linking Words
 heating and cooling
system
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systems
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 require 20%
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energy
Change preposition
of energy
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. Refrigeration consumed 12%
Use synonyms
energy
Change preposition
of energy
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 which is larger than
that
Correct determiner usage
the
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of
Change preposition
apply
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energy
Use synonyms
 required for cooking and lighting.
Finally
Linking Words
, 5%
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energy
Change preposition
of energy
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 is consumed in standby mode and the remaining 24%
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energy
Change preposition
of energy
show examples
 is required for all other household appliances.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, heating and cooling systems contribute to the highest
percentage
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 of
greenhouse
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gas
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emission
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emissions
show examples
 which is 38%. Water heaters, though require more
energy
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 than heating and cooling, emit comparatively lesser
greenhouse
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gas
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 (25%). These two systems produce the highest
percentage
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 of
greenhouse
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 gases in Australia. Cooking, lighting and refrigeration generate 18%
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greenhouse
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of greenhouse
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gas
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 in total and all other appliances and standby
mode
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modes
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 generate 19%
Linking Words
such
Change preposition
of such
show examples
gas
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by shokhrukh95 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, percentage, greenhouse, gas with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stand" was used 2 times.
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