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Writing Samples
Band 7

In some countries, the government has tried to reduce traffic. For instance, they imposed a congestion tax during rush hour. Do you think this development is positive or negative?

It is observed that the policymakers have attempted to diminish the bottleneck by applying a
tax
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. Despite the many benefits that may derive from
this
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 trend, I believe that
tax
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 implementation in peak time is disadvantageous to the commuters. On the one hand, it is undeniable that adding a
tax
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 in rush hour is favourable to some extent. The most significant benefit is that it allows the government to alleviate the jam-packed traffic.
This
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 toll road in rush hour enables individuals to gain a sense of comfort
while
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 commuting to their work or their school.
In addition
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, air pollution can be
also
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 mitigated, which can lead to a healthy and clean ecosystem. If the rate of transportation declines on the roads, the atmosphere will be fresher and less contaminated.
On the other hand
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, I am convinced that the drawbacks of
this
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 trend are more pronounced than its upsides. Chief among these is arousing some reactionary, which will have an adverse impact on an individual's life. It is relatively impossible for those who are underprivileged or less fortunate to afford the high
tax
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, causing their life degradation and facing financial burden. Another dramatic disadvantage of reduced traffic congestion by the
tax
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 is the discouragement of travel and mobility.
Such
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 road expenses will decrease travel
due to
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 high costs, limiting access to work, education and social opportunities.
Therefore
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, individuals are hard to access to the study materials
as well as
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 healthcare services. In conclusion, whilst the positive aspects of restricting travel are recognized, I
content
Correct your spelling
contend
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 that they pale in comparison with the drawbacks.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has clear main ideas. This will help the reader follow your arguments better.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your ideas and make your arguments stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use simpler sentences to express your ideas clearly. Some sentences are a bit complex.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your opinion on the topic.
task achievement
You have made good points about the benefits and drawbacks of the tax.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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