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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#men #women #education #britain #three #periods #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The given bar graph represents how many people used
Linking Words
further
Correct article usage
the further
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 system by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gender in the United Kingdom and whether they chose part-time or full-time studying
method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
show examples
 over three different
period
Change to a plural noun
periods
show examples
 of time. First of all, part-time studying was more popular
in
Change preposition
among
show examples
 men over
aforementioned
Correct article usage
the aforementioned
show examples
 years than full-time.
However
Linking Words
,
similar
Add an article
a similar
show examples
trend
Use synonyms
 was in women. Full-time educational systems showed
upward
Add an article
an upward
show examples
trend
Use synonyms
 in both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gender. But part-time
education
Use synonyms
 fluctuated slightly in
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
.
Number
Change the article
A number
The number
show examples
 of men reached the highest point at 1000 in part-time studying over 1970/71,
while
Linking Words
 it got bottom at about 900 in 1980/81. The lowest period was 1980/81 when
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of men
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 dropped
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 900 in part-time
education
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, during mentioned
periods
Fix the agreement mistake
period
show examples
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of women
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 showed
upward
Correct article usage
an upward
show examples
trend
Use synonyms
 both in part-time and full-time
education
Use synonyms
 and year by year
quantity
Correct article usage
the quantity
show examples
 of students
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
gradually increased. Part-times reached vertex at about 1100
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period similar to full-time which
peak
Correct subject-verb agreement
peaks
show examples
 at 300. The
second
Linking Words
higest
Correct your spelling
highest
trend
Use synonyms
 showed in 1980/81.
Submitted by nanobashvilimariami5 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words education, trend with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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