IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that shops should not be allowed to sell any food or drink

#people #shops #food #drink
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There might be
controversial debate
Suggestion
a controversial debate
 regarding about the issue of whether it is positive for people to ban detrimental
food
Use synonyms
 in the shop or not. I partially agree with that the sale of unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 should be regulated. I will highlight my opinion about
this
Linking Words
. On the one hand, the
athorities
the organization that is the governing authority of a political unit
authorities
 cannot restrict people's right to freely choose things, which are they want to buy. When you choose something to eat, you have a responsibility with your own decisions and you
can not
can not
cannot
 blame the shop by selling that
food
Use synonyms
.
Furthemore
in addition
Furthermore
, there are too many
kind
Suggestion
kinds
 of harmful
food
Use synonyms
 to be regulated fully.
For example
Linking Words
, sugar is
typical unhealthy ingredient
Suggestion
a typical unhealthy ingredient
 but, there are so many snacks that contain it much, as like chocolate, candy and cookies, even if they can have bad effects on
people
Suggestion
peoples'
peoples
 health, many people enjoy eating sweet snack and drink
such
Linking Words
 as coke. If the government
forbid
Suggestion
forbids
 the sale of sugary foods, people will have fewer choices to choose and it can lead to an infringement of human right.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, the appropriate level of regulation is necessary.
This
Linking Words
 is because,
firstly
Linking Words
, people do not understand fully what is good for
body
Suggestion
the body
 or not. In terms of nutrition information, it is definitely needed for people to show clearly what ingredients are inside it. The
goverment
the organization that is the governing authority of a political unit
government
have
Suggestion
has
 to take consideration into it to manage and supervise
this
Linking Words
 system.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
food
Use synonyms
 regulations
also
Linking Words
 have a positive
effects
Suggestion
effect
 on the authorities to care issue of health problems. If they can
controll
power to direct or determine
control
 bad
food
Use synonyms
 in the advance, they can save their budget for
caring
the process of becoming hard or solid by cooling or drying or crystallization
curing
 many
disease
Suggestion
diseases
, which are caused
from
Suggestion
by
unhealty
not in or exhibiting good health in body or mind
unhealthy
 diet
behavior
manner of acting or controlling yourself
behaviour
. In conclusion, everyone has a different taste, so the authorities cannot limit all of their choices.
However
Linking Words
, it is crucial for the public health To manage harmful
food
Use synonyms
 before it reaches
buyers hands
Suggestion
the buyer's hands
buyer's hands
buyers' hands
.
Submitted by emin890925 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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