IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

the first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. the second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

the first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. the second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#first #energy #australian #household #second #greenhouse #gas #emissions #information #features #comparisons
There are two charts that are shown in the figure. The first chart shows how
energy
 is used in an average Australian household. The
second
 chart shows the greenhouse
gas
emissions
 which result from
this
energy
use
.
Firstly
, we can see that 42% of heating cover up the whole
energy
use
 of Australian household
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 resulted
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 15% of greenhouse
gas
emissions
.
Moreover
, 30% of
energy
Add an article
the energy
show examples
 used is water heating
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 increases
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
 32% in
gas
emissions
. On top of that, we can see here that refrigeration, other appliances, lighting,
cooling
Correct word choice
and cooling
show examples
, are all increasing by 2 times
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their percentage in
energy
use
 or 1%. In conclusion, the most efficient way to
use
energy
 in Australian
household
Fix the agreement mistake
households
show examples
 is heating because it decreases the greenhouse
gas
emissions
 effect.
Therefore
, the side effects of
this
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 less than
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 features given.
On the other hand
, cooling can
also
 be a good feature since it just increases by 1%.
Submitted by huangwhei on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 89%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, gas, emissions, use with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increases" was used 2 times.
▼

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