IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph shows the impact of vaccinations on the incidence of whooping cough, a childhood illness, between 1940 and 1990 in Britain. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph shows the impact of vaccinations on the incidence of whooping cough, a childhood illness, between 1940 and 1990 in Britain. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The graph shows the evolution of whopping cough disease from 1940 to 1990, in relation to the diffusion of the
vaccine
Use synonyms
, in fact, we can clearly see a massive diffusion in the years before the uptake of the
vaccine
Use synonyms
. We notice two peaks in 1942 and 1950 with approximately 170
hundreds
Correct your spelling
hundred
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
infected, but before the outcome of the
Use synonyms
vaccine
Add a comma
,vaccine
show examples
 the number of cases fluctuates at least to 140 hundred, with an exception in the period between 1942 to 1947, with a sudden decline of 100 hundred people infected. After 1955 those infected
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
 rapidly, reaching
Correct article usage
a
show examples
few hundred in 1975, but on the other
side
Add a comma
,side
show examples
 there is a rapid reduction of
vaccine
Use synonyms
 uptake, that in the
next
Linking Words
 years
cause
Wrong verb form
caused
show examples
 again an increase in the diffusion of
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
whooping cough. After
that
Add a comma
,that
show examples
 we can see a very fast increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
vaccination, to about 90% of the population, in the
next
Linking Words
 that
bring
Change the verb form
brings
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a drastic decrease
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 ill people.
Linking Words
Finally
Add a comma
,Finally
show examples
 we can say that these two phenomena have an inverse proportional behaviour, to a decrease in
vaccine
Use synonyms
 percentage stands a rapid increase of the reported cases.
Submitted by kwarts on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "next".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words vaccine with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rapidly" was used 3 times.
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