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Writing Samples
Band 5

Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries, many small, local business are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#development #expansion #supermarkets #countries #business #people #closure #death #communities
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As a result
Linking Words
 of the growth of supermarkets in some countries, many local businesses have died out. Some people argue that without local business, local communities will not exist. In my opinion, I agree that the communities will suffer as small, local businesses
close but
Accept comma addition
close, but
 it is questionable that it will cause the death of local communities.
First
Linking Words
 of all, when large system stores are located in small cities, they make competition for small local stores without their strength. Because
system stores
Suggestion
the system stores
 are often made through a famous franchise in the country.
This
Linking Words
 is a profession that has spent a lot of money on advertising for the franchise, and if they have a turnover and their cooking is the ones that stand in the flow. It is difficult to compete with small retail chains. Another reason people tend to
shop
Use synonyms
 in supermarkets is that, there are always some rewards associated with the purchases, promotion in the store. For small businesses, it is very expensive to make
such
Linking Words
 privileges for their customers. Some businesses might consider
to leave
Suggestion
leaving
 the area and looking for new opportunities.
As a result
Linking Words
, less and less businesses can survive in the
neighborhood
a surrounding or nearby region
neighbourhood
. Many locals still demand on types of market and unique
shops even
Accept comma addition
shops, even
 in a small community
such
Linking Words
 as
farmer's market
Suggestion
farmer's markets
a farmer's market
,
second
Linking Words
-hand
shop
Use synonyms
 and so on, which are not the target products of supermarkets.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, many locals still prefer to
shop
Use synonyms
 in local stores due to their years of shopping preferences and close relationship with
shop
Use synonyms
 owners. To conclude, even though a community can be
challenged
Suggestion
challenging
 to maintain along with the growth of supermarkets, I believe that a community with a variety of demand will continue to stay.
Submitted by bekingsky on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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