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Writing Samples
Band 4

The chart below shows the results of a survey of people who visited four types of tourist attraction in Britain in 1999. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the results of a survey of people who visited four types of tourist attraction in Britain in 1999. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#results #survey #people #four #tourist #attraction #britain #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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This
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 essay will discuss the exposed report of
costumers
Correct your spelling
customers
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 who visited four different tourist attractions in England in 1999.
Moreover
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, I will summarise the information and report the main info, and make comparisons in paragraphs. The pie chart depicts the substantial attractions that people have visited in 1999.
Although
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 tourists have visited "
Theme
Use synonyms
parks
Use synonyms
 37%" the most.
however
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, the
second
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 large portion of "Museums and Galleries 37%" takes place in the pie chart.
As a result
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, the
most
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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less-visited spot on the list is "Wildlife
parks
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 and Zoos 9%" which
2
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is 2
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times fewer than "
Theme
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Parks
Use synonyms
" stats.
For example
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 the "Historic Houses and Monuments" in the neutral post with 16% and 2 times less visited than "Museums and Galleries" Going into more detail, the table chart reports the detailed areas where tourists have visited in "
Theme
Use synonyms
Parks
Use synonyms
". The most substantial area in the list
"Black
Add a missing verb
is "Black
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 pleasure beach"
by
Change preposition
with
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 47% compared to the most fewer visited spots "Legoland, Windsor" and "Chessington world of adventures" with only 10%. "Alton Towers 17%" and "Pleasureland, Southport 16%" visitors differ only for one
percent
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per cent
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. In conclusion, It's obvious that in 1999, People were interested more in "
Theme
Use synonyms
Parks
Use synonyms
",
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However
Add the comma(s)
,However
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 there were "Museums and Galleries" fans too. Somehow, in 1999, Wildlife
Parks
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 and Zoos were not so popular
among
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in
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 the community.
Submitted by jklonovas on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words theme, parks with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "substantial" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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