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Band 4

The graph below shows the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer.

The graph below shows the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer.
#demand #electricity #england #winter #summer
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The picture demonstrates the demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 electricity utilized
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a typical day in two seasons.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen from the chart that the daily consumption of heat fluctuates during the whole period in both
winter
Use synonyms
 and summer.
In addition
Linking Words
,
that is
Linking Words
 about twice as high in
winter
Use synonyms
 compared to
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
summer. To commence with, the amount of electricity in
winter
Use synonyms
 and summer comprises
of
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apply
show examples
nearly 35000 and more than 15000
units
Use synonyms
 of heat respectively, followed by several variations, in the first 16 hours. During the former season,
demand
Correct article usage
the demand
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
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 electricity bottoms out at 30000
units
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 during the late season, that reaches a bottom at around 15000
units
Use synonyms
. After that, the quantity of heat in
winter
Use synonyms
 goes up moderately until reaching a peak at nearly 50000
units
Use synonyms
, prior to levelling off from
fourteenth
Correct article usage
the fourteenth
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 hour to
sixteenth
Correct article usage
the sixteenth
show examples
 hour and
then
Linking Words
 decreases noticeably, ending with 35000
units
Use synonyms
.
By contrast
Linking Words
, that in summertime goes down minimally from 20000 to more than 15000
units
Use synonyms
 and
next
Linking Words
 reaches a plateau, finishing with just under 20000
units
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by Phạm Thị Hương Giang on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the first paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words winter, units with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "goes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "goes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reaches" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the first paragraph.
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