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Writing Samples /
Band 4

The graph below shows the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer.

The graph below shows the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer.
#demand #electricity #england #winter #summer
The picture demonstrates the demand
of
Change preposition
for
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 electricity utilized
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a typical day in two seasons.
Overall
, it can be seen from the chart that the daily consumption of heat fluctuates during the whole period in both
winter
 and summer.
In addition
,
that is
 about twice as high in
winter
 compared to
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
summer. To commence with, the amount of electricity in
winter
 and summer comprises
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
nearly 35000 and more than 15000
units
 of heat respectively, followed by several variations, in the first 16 hours. During the former season,
demand
Correct article usage
the demand
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 electricity bottoms out at 30000
units
,
while
 during the late season, that reaches a bottom at around 15000
units
. After that, the quantity of heat in
winter
 goes up moderately until reaching a peak at nearly 50000
units
, prior to levelling off from
fourteenth
Correct article usage
the fourteenth
show examples
 hour to
sixteenth
Correct article usage
the sixteenth
show examples
 hour and
then
 decreases noticeably, ending with 35000
units
.
By contrast
, that in summertime goes down minimally from 20000 to more than 15000
units
 and
next
 reaches a plateau, finishing with just under 20000
units
.
Submitted by Phạm Thị Hương Giang on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the first paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words winter, units with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "goes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "goes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reaches" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the first paragraph.
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