IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people believe that governments should ban dangerous sports. Others claim that they should have freedom to choose their favourite activities. Discuss both views and present your opinion.

#people #governments #ban #sports #freedom #favourite #activities
There is no denying the fact that the phenomenon of older people is rising at an alarming rate is ubiquitous across the globe due to its paramount importance. One school of thought opine it is worthless,
however
, others consider that a couple of problems occur because of the same.
Although
 it has a plethora of merits yet some demerits which will be elaborated in the upcoming paragraphs. To commence with the best possible benefits, the most advantage is their experience will help the society to develop at a humongous extent. To exemplify, the retired persons could give training on their knowledge and skills in a particular field which definitely aids in developing the nation altogether. As a consequence, the future of the younger generation will
also
 proliferate. Along with it, the decorum and harmony will
also
 get maintained.
Moreover
, old age people are
also
 found to be effective not only as a teacher in kindergarten schools but
also
 as a torchbearer for any student due to its calm and quiet attributes.
Hence
, will bestow discipline in any preschools. On the paradoxical side, there are few drawbacks as well.
First
 and foremost, if the number of older people will rise,
then
 the burden on the taxpaying working class will increase completely.
Thus
 an economic conundrum will get created. Paving to the
next
 view, if in any country, the old aged population will rise
then
 the mortality rate will decrease. The empirical research by society control department of India suggests that more the number of older persons means lower mortality rate, which actually engenders a huge concern towards community control of any country pragmatically.
Therefore
, results in an increase in public. To recapitulate, without any doubt, it's a mixed bag. If the topic has many positives
then
 the negative points of the notion may not be underestimated. In my perspective, people above 60 years of age could add benefits,
nevertheless
, the government should take steps to propel their helping hands.
Submitted by abhisek3112 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: