IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think parents should not encourage children to do part-time jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

#people #parents #children #jobs
In recent years, The question
of parents should encourage
Suggestion
parents should encourage
 their
children whether
Accept comma addition
children, whether
 or not to do part-time jobs has become a topic of discussion.
Although
 some people suggested that it has more advantages, I believed disadvantages overweigh. On the one hand, there is no denying the benefits that children work at an early age.
First
, children might have more actual experiences which are useful in their life.
For example
, children communicate with other people who become talkative and sociable child with around people.
Second
, Since children earn
money
 early, it helps them learn how to use suitable
money
.
Moreover
, children help their parents make a living which decreases pressure about
money
 in life.
On the other hand
, Students should go to school
instead
 of earning
money
.
First
, Children have to not only communicate but
also
 interact with various people, which affects their development.
For example
, Since children connect with bad someone, they easily mimic rude habits, which might potentially cause social evils in the future.
Second
, children spend much time doing part-time, which affects the result of an exam. In fact, They have no time to study or do homework so they could not understand the knowledge in the class, which leads to not exciting attendance in the lesson. In conclusion,
Submitted by quynh quynh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: