Advertising is all around us; it is an unavoidable part of everyone’ life. Some people say that advertising is a positive part of our lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The presence of advertising has gained the popularity of public attention as it is everywhere around us. Some people believe promoting is useful when looking for a product,
whereas
some
others claim advertising unintentionally influences our private lives. Correct quantifier usage
apply
Although
I concur with some possible drawbacks that advertising brings, but
I Remove the conjunction
apply
Add a missing verb
am incline
incline
that the advantages would outweigh the downsides.
It is certainly true that advertising has gradually taken place in our daily activities and surroundings. We can easily recognize an advertisement when reading an online article, watching television, and on all platforms of social media. Replace the word
inclined
Besides
, advertising plays a vital role when we are searching for a specific product. With the endless support of Search Engine Optimization, the
abundance of choices is available to potential customers at the fastest rate. Correct article usage
an
Hence
, customers are free to choose the merchandise they want despite our location and time. Accordingly
, it is undeniable that along with
technological advancement, advertising has been made accessible and easier for customers, such
as enormous e-commerce websites like Amazon, eBay, Alibaba, etc.
On the other hand
, promoting inevitably leads to some unexpected outcomes in addition
to its usefulness. In 2018, due to
a famous data scandal, pointing to Mark Zuckerberg, it has
revealed that millions of Facebook users' data were leaked for political purposes. It has proved that even a powerful company like Facebook had a serious gap in assuring users’ private information. Verb problem
was
Moreover
, regardless of the assistance that Search Engine Optimization may provide, it may probably display some unreliable and biased websites to consumers. It is based on the fact that some websites’
owners will pay more money to be listed on higher ranking in search result listings.
In conclusion, I consider that advertising has both sides, especially as they seem dangerous to people’s confidentiality. Change noun form
websites
However
, by no means, our daily lives will be a
lack Correct article usage
apply
of
the presence and influence of advertising and all kinds of social media, Change preposition
apply
therefore
their benefits will overshadow their negative impacts.Submitted by Bui Quyen on
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task achievement
To improve your task response, make sure to support your points with more specific examples and evidence. This can make your arguments more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has good coherence and cohesion, there are a few awkward phrasing and grammatical errors that slightly disrupt the flow. Pay attention to sentence structure and word choice.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid using overly complex sentences that are difficult to follow. Simpler sentences can sometimes convey your ideas more effectively.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly presents the topic and your stance, making it easy for the reader to understand your position from the beginning.
logical structure
You have a logical structure, with a clear progression of ideas from introduction to conclusion.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates your viewpoint, reinforcing your position to the reader.
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