IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Advertising is all around us; it is an unavoidable part of everyone’ life. Some people say that advertising is a positive part of our lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The presence of advertising has gained the popularity of public attention as it is everywhere around us. Some people believe promoting is useful when looking for a product,
whereas
Linking Words
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
others claim advertising unintentionally influences our private lives.
Although
Linking Words
 I concur with some possible drawbacks that advertising brings,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
I
Add a missing verb
am incline
show examples
incline
Replace the word
inclined
show examples
 that the advantages would outweigh the downsides. It is certainly true that advertising has gradually taken place in our daily activities and surroundings. We can easily recognize an advertisement when reading an online article, watching television, and on all platforms of social media.
Besides
Linking Words
, advertising plays a vital role when we are searching for a specific product. With the endless support of Search Engine Optimization,
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 abundance of choices is available to potential customers at the fastest rate.
Hence
Linking Words
, customers are free to choose the merchandise they want despite our location and time.
Accordingly
Linking Words
, it is undeniable that
along with
Linking Words
 technological advancement, advertising has been made accessible and easier for customers,
such
Linking Words
 as enormous e-commerce websites like Amazon, eBay, Alibaba, etc.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, promoting inevitably leads to some unexpected outcomes
in addition
Linking Words
 to its usefulness. In 2018,
due to
Linking Words
 a famous data scandal, pointing to Mark Zuckerberg, it
has
Verb problem
was
show examples
 revealed that millions of Facebook users' data were leaked for political purposes. It has proved that even a powerful company like Facebook had a serious gap in assuring users’ private information.
Moreover
Linking Words
, regardless of the assistance that Search Engine Optimization may provide, it may probably display some unreliable and biased websites to consumers. It is based on the fact that some
websites’
Change noun form
websites
show examples
 owners will pay more money to be listed on higher ranking in search result listings. In conclusion, I consider that advertising has both sides, especially as they seem dangerous to people’s confidentiality.
However
Linking Words
, by no means, our daily lives will be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the presence and influence of advertising and all kinds of social media,
therefore
Linking Words
 their benefits will overshadow their negative impacts.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To improve your task response, make sure to support your points with more specific examples and evidence. This can make your arguments more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has good coherence and cohesion, there are a few awkward phrasing and grammatical errors that slightly disrupt the flow. Pay attention to sentence structure and word choice.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid using overly complex sentences that are difficult to follow. Simpler sentences can sometimes convey your ideas more effectively.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly presents the topic and your stance, making it easy for the reader to understand your position from the beginning.
logical structure
You have a logical structure, with a clear progression of ideas from introduction to conclusion.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates your viewpoint, reinforcing your position to the reader.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • informative
  • engages
  • creative
  • art form
  • consumerism
  • materialism
  • misleading
  • exaggerating
  • vulnerable
  • unrealistic
  • body image expectations
  • competitive
  • economical
  • targeted ads
  • personalized ads
  • intrusive
What to do next:
Look at other essays: