IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later. Some people think that having these people to give a talk to school students is the best way to tell them about dangers of committing a crime. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #prison #citizens #talk #school #students #dangers #crime
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Use synonyms
Crime
Suggestion
Crime, education
education
Use synonyms
 is of paramount importance in any country, but the way it can be conducted is often a subject of debate in society. While I agree that asking those who are released from prison to have a
talk
Use synonyms
 to school students is a good
education
Use synonyms
 method, I
also
Linking Words
 believe that there are better alternatives to the problem, as will now be discussed. On the one hand, I agree that students may be aware of the consequences of engaging in criminal activities when attending a
talk
Use synonyms
 given by ex-prisoners. Their life stories are often vivid and persuasive, and
this
Linking Words
 can attract the attention of school students easily. These ex-criminals are real examples that people have to pay for their unlawful activities, which can raise awareness about law-abiding citizens among young people. The success of a series of educational programs on Vietnamese Television channels about the price that offenders have to pay proves that the narrative forms of
crime
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 can work. It is hoped that a speech of used-to-be wrongdoers is promoted at all school levels in
future
Suggestion
the future
.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that a combination of different
Use synonyms
education
Suggestion
educational
 methods would produce a more desirable result compared to a former prisoner holding a
talk
Use synonyms
. Primarily, parents should act as pioneers to educate children at an early age about social evils and how to avoid them. It has long been acknowledged that the home environment has a profound effect on the development of a child, and a significant percentage of juvenile
crime
Use synonyms
 stems from insufficient
education
Use synonyms
 criminals receive in their childhood. Teachers at schools
also
Linking Words
 play an important role in raising the awareness of students about
crime
Use synonyms
. Moral lessons ought not to be neglected in the classroom, and a positive
Use synonyms
education
Suggestion
educational
 environment should be promoted, contributing to
crime
Use synonyms
 prevention. In conclusion, it is my opinion that a
talk
Use synonyms
 given by ex-offenders, albeit effective, is not the best
education
Use synonyms
 method for
crime
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by hiep bui on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: