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Writing Samples
Band 4

The chart below shows the expenditure of two countries on consumer goods in 2010.

The chart below shows the expenditure of two countries on consumer goods in 2010.
#expenditure #two #countries #consumer #goods
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This
Linking Words
 bar chart demonstrates the data approximately
expendature
Correct your spelling
expenditure
 of two varied countries,
such
Linking Words
as
Change preposition
apply
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France
as well as
Linking Words
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 on various consumers, namely cars,computers,books,
perfume
Use synonyms
 and
lastly
Linking Words
cameras
Use synonyms
 in the year 2010,
Linking Words
furthermore
Add a comma
,furthermore
show examples
 it reports in
pounds
Use synonyms
. So, by considering it can be obviously seen that the statistics of
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 constituted the
most
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
maximum figures
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
exception
Correct article usage
the exception
show examples
 of
perfume
Use synonyms
 goods
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
reason
Add an article
the reason
a reason
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 why , because it was as follows the lowest factor at under 150.000
pounds
Use synonyms
 and the greatest indicator is cars at 450.000
pounds
Use synonyms
. What is regarding of other goods
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
For
Linking Words
instance
Add a comma
,instance
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 computers made up 350.000 ,
for
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apply
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books at just 400.000 and
finally
Linking Words
cameras
Use synonyms
 at over 350.000
pounds
Use synonyms
. What is
correspondingly
Replace the adverb
corresponding
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 of France, for cars it made up the highest figures at 400.000,
Linking Words
moreover
Add a comma
,moreover
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 the lowest good is
cameras
Use synonyms
 at 150.000. In
Linking Words
additionally
Replace the word
addition
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 other statistics namely for computers at nearly 400.000 , books at 300.000 and
Linking Words
lastly
Change the adverb
last
show examples
perfume
Use synonyms
 at 200.000
pounds
Use synonyms
.
To sum
Linking Words
up
Add a comma
,up
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 briefly it is extremely essential to allude that in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 the trend for
perfume
Use synonyms
 goods
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 the lowest but
also
Linking Words
 for France is
cameras
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by Шахзода Акбаралиева on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, lastly".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words perfume, cameras, pounds with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • expenditure
  • consumer goods
  • chart
  • countries
  • overall
  • compare
  • analyze
  • categories
  • consumer spending
  • trends
  • proportions
  • statistics
  • increase
  • decrease
  • significant
  • notable
  • remarkable
  • substantial
  • considerable
  • determine
  • conclude
  • in conclusion
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