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Writing Samples /
Band 4

The chart below shows the expenditure of two countries on consumer goods in 2010.

The chart below shows the expenditure of two countries on consumer goods in 2010.
#expenditure #two #countries #consumer #goods
This
 bar chart demonstrates the data approximately
expendature
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expenditure
 of two varied countries,
such
as
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apply
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France
as well as
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 but
also
 on various consumers, namely cars,computers,books,
perfume
 and
lastly
cameras
 in the year 2010,
furthermore
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,furthermore
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 it reports in
pounds
. So, by considering it can be obviously seen that the statistics of
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 constituted the
most
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apply
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maximum figures
by
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with
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exception
Correct article usage
the exception
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 of
perfume
 goods
by
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apply
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reason
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the reason
a reason
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 why , because it was as follows the lowest factor at under 150.000
pounds
 and the greatest indicator is cars at 450.000
pounds
. What is regarding of other goods
.
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?
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For
instance
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,instance
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 computers made up 350.000 ,
for
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apply
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books at just 400.000 and
finally
cameras
 at over 350.000
pounds
. What is
correspondingly
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corresponding
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 of France, for cars it made up the highest figures at 400.000,
moreover
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,moreover
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 the lowest good is
cameras
 at 150.000. In
additionally
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addition
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 other statistics namely for computers at nearly 400.000 , books at 300.000 and
lastly
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last
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perfume
 at 200.000
pounds
.
To sum
up
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,up
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 briefly it is extremely essential to allude that in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 the trend for
perfume
 goods
were
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was
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 the lowest but
also
 for France is
cameras
.
Submitted by Шахзода Акбаралиева on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, lastly".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words perfume, cameras, pounds with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • expenditure
  • consumer goods
  • chart
  • countries
  • overall
  • compare
  • analyze
  • categories
  • consumer spending
  • trends
  • proportions
  • statistics
  • increase
  • decrease
  • significant
  • notable
  • remarkable
  • substantial
  • considerable
  • determine
  • conclude
  • in conclusion
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