The first chart below shows the results of a survey which sampled a cross-section of 100,000 people asking if they travelled abroad and why they travelled for the period 1994-98. The second chart shows their destinations over the same period.

The first chart below shows the results of a survey which sampled a cross-section of 100,000 people asking if they travelled abroad and why they travelled for the period 1994-98. The second chart shows their destinations over the same period.
the table
exhibit
Change the verb form
exhibits
show examples
the years 1994, 1995,1996,1997,and 1998 had a
number
of 100000
travellers
. Each travelling for
holiday
Add an article
the holiday
show examples
, Business, Visit to friends and relatives or other reasons. The most people who travelled
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
holiday was in the
year
1998 with 20700
travellers
. As for business it had
it
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
most
travellers
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
year
1998 which are 3957
travellers
. Moving on to the visit to friends and relatives, its most
travellers
that consist of 3181 persons
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
in the
year
1998.
Lastly
for other reasons which had it most
travellers
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
year
1998, with 990
travellers
.
This
shows that the
most
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
year
with
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
travellers
was the
year
1998,
then
followed by 1997,
then
1996,
then
1994,
lastly
Correct word choice
and lastly
show examples
1995. the
travellers
had travelled to Western Europe, North America, or other areas. 1998 had the most
number
of
travellers
in Western Europe,
in addition
also
in North America and
also
in other areas. Which holds the highest
number
of
travellers
in every destination. Followed by 1997 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
western Europe
then
1996,
then
1994,
lastly
Correct word choice
and lastly
show examples
1995. As for North America we have 1997 after 1998
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
1996,
then
1994, and
lastly
1995.
Lastly
Add a comma
,Lastly
show examples
for other areas, we will have 1997 after 1998,
then
1996, 1994,
lastly
Correct word choice
and lastly
show examples
1995. which shows that 1995 had the least
number
of
travellers
in every country.
Submitted by Siti Nurfarahaein binti Mohd. Nosiaan on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, lastly".
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, travellers, year with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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