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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart above, illustrates four factors regarding the standards of life in different countries (Bangladesh, Bolivia, Egypt, Indonesia, USA).

The chart above, illustrates four factors regarding the standards of life in different countries (Bangladesh, Bolivia, Egypt, Indonesia, USA).
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Overall
Linking Words
,
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 is ahead in the first three sections, by a significant amount,
while
Linking Words
Bangladesh
Use synonyms
 has the lowest trend in the same sectors. As for
infant
Correct article usage
the infant
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 mortality rate,
Bangladesh
Use synonyms
 has the largest amount,
whereas
Linking Words
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
the
Add a missing verb
has the
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 least. USA’s gross national product per person, is more than 13 thousand dollars,
in contrast
Linking Words
 to
Bangladesh
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 stands
at140
Correct your spelling
at 140
 dollars. Bolivia and Indonesia have a similar trend, and Egypt is only 110 dollars above the latter. Americans have the highest calorie consumption per day at 2653 calories,
whereas
Linking Words
Bangladesh
Use synonyms
 only
just
Add a missing verb
has just
show examples
 over half of that. The remaining countries have an average of 2000 to 3000 calories per day. Life expectancy, is significantly higher in America at 74 years of age,
following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 is Egypt at 56 and the rest have 50,49 and 40 respectively (Bolivia, Indonesia,
Bangladesh
Use synonyms
).
Lastly
Linking Words
, infant mortality, is impressively high in
Bangladesh
Use synonyms
 at 132 per 1000 births,
while
Linking Words
 Bolivia is close by with 124.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Indonesia has a 6.5 times higher trend than
USA’s
Change noun form
USA
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,
that is
Linking Words
 12 in 1000 births.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas, while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words bangladesh with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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