IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Wealthy countries should accept more refugees and provide them with basic assistance, such as food and housing. To what extent do yout agree or disagree?

#countries #refugees #assistance #food #yout
The rich
Suggestion
Richer
 nations should help and opened the doors to refugees to
comes
Suggestion
come
 to their
country and give to
Suggestion
country and give
 them the basic assistance, like accommodation and meals. It is a very polemic theme, but it is important to bring those subjects to conversation, especially in those pandemic days, which a
lot
 of people have financial problems. The People should think about each other like they were
neighbors
a person who lives (or is located) near another
neighbours
 in
this
 planet. We have delimitations by countries, but we are all living in the same world. We
must to respect
Suggestion
must respect
 and be friendly with other nations, especially if they are in trouble, like having a civil war in their daily lives. Those excluded People could be
turn
Suggestion
turned
 to a very productive
people
Suggestion
person
 if they have been properly
education
Suggestion
educated
educating
 and having opportunities to join into the workforce to the nations which opened the doors for them. Those wealthy countries which does not
accepted
Suggestion
accept
 foreign people have a protectionism rules, which is understandable because since in those nations exists
different type
Suggestion
different types
a different type
 of classes, in
another
not the same one or ones already mentioned or implied
other
 words, there are a few percentage which have a
lot
 of money and
na
be cognizant or aware of a fact or a specific piece of information; possess knowledge or information about
know
no
now
knew
 a
lot
 of people without
de
definite article
the
basics
Suggestion
basic
 conditions to live, like provide at least the main meals of the day for their families and does not
got
Suggestion
get
 work in years. So, I understand they are more concern with their
on
belonging to or on behalf of a specified person (especially yourself); preceded by a possessive
own
 population, and to providing resources for them,
instead to
Accept comma addition
instead, to
 a person who was born in another country. It is important to think in the others and give to them new opportunities, they could help the economy and
de
definite article
the
 diversity of the country a
lot
.
Submitted by Marilia Torres on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: