INCREASING NUMBER OF PEOPLE ARE CHOOSING COSMETOLOGY SURGERY TO IMPROVE THEIR APPEARANCE?WHAT ARE THE REASONS?DO YOU THINK IS IT A POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE DEVELOPMENT?

#people #cosmetology #surgery #appearance #development

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

An increasing number of

people

Use synonyms

often

undergoes

Correct subject-verb agreement

undergo

show examples

plastic

Use synonyms

surgery

Use synonyms

because they are not satisfied with their

overall

Linking Words

appearance

Use synonyms

Moreover

Linking Words

, certain celebrities believe that having cosmetic

surgery

Use synonyms

is beneficial because it can enhance their fame.

Nevertheless

Linking Words

, traditional

people

Use synonyms

avoid getting

plastic

Use synonyms

surgery

Use synonyms

because they have to pay unnecessary expenses. The objective of

this

Linking Words

essay is

therefore

Linking Words

to explain the positive and negative consequences of the cosmetic

surgery

Use synonyms

trend in order to determine its true value to society. On the one hand, those who agree with

plastic

Use synonyms

surgery

Use synonyms

point out numerous clear benefits. One of the major advantages is that

people

Use synonyms

can increase their confidence. They can fix insecurities that they suffer related to their

appearance

Use synonyms

As a result

Linking Words

, they are more likely to find their compatible partners for their future

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

Also

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

type of

surgery

Use synonyms

can improve self-esteem. An additional favourable aspect of

plastic

Use synonyms

surgery

Use synonyms

is that it can lead to greater employment opportunities. A substantial number of occupations,

such

Linking Words

as actors, singers and models, require

people

Use synonyms

who have attractive appearances because they need to provide entertainment and look good for the audience.

Furthermore

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

who have attractive appearances can

also

Linking Words

have more opportunities for public speaking. Perhaps the most observable benefit is that there is a prosperity of cosmetic industries. In fact, many

people

Use synonyms

often want to have attractive appearances, so these industries are going to become more popular.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, the opponents of the growing trend for surgical enhancement commonly argue that it is not worthwhile. The initial drawback is that the cost is prohibitively high expense is quite high.

Moreover

Linking Words

patients

Use synonyms

who get

surgery

Use synonyms

are responsible for numerous other expenses,

such

Linking Words

as medicine and recovery.

This

Linking Words

factor makes cosmetic

surgery

Use synonyms

not so easy to access for everyone and can often result in bills that are much higher than

people

Use synonyms

expect. Certain

people

Use synonyms

who do not have adequate money often take loans, which can lead to financial burdens. Another serious complaint that

people

Use synonyms

have about

surgery

Use synonyms

is that it is potentially harmful.

Finally

Linking Words

patients

Use synonyms

often face side effects,

such

Linking Words

as infections, blood clots,

unsightly

Correct word choice

and unsightly

show examples

scarring.

Also

Linking Words

patients

Use synonyms

may take the risk of death if they do not have strong immune systems to endure

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

these side effects.

For instance

Linking Words

patients

Use synonyms

who have

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

deep vein thrombosis are likely to take

greater

Correct article usage

a greater

show examples

risk

for

Change preposition

show examples

additional clots, so they should be aware of

this

Linking Words

condition after they

take

Verb problem

have

show examples

surgery

Use synonyms

.The final concern deals with the fact that

people

Use synonyms

may get addicted. They may not be satisfied with their

surgery

Use synonyms

because they have unrealistic expectations.

Moreover

Linking Words

, they may focus on

plastic

Use synonyms

surgery

Use synonyms

appearance

Use synonyms

instead

Linking Words

of ordinary

appearance

Use synonyms

. Clearly,

therefore

Linking Words

, there are some significant downsides that everyone should appreciate. Having analysed both sides of

this

Linking Words

argument, on the whole, I still feel that the benefits of

plastic

Use synonyms

surgery

Use synonyms

are minimal relative to the numerous drawbacks. Even though cosmetic

surgery

Use synonyms

helps shy

people

Use synonyms

and creates employment opportunities, they should avoid it because they have to pay unnecessary expenses.

Also

Linking Words

, they put themselves at risk of medical complications, and they are likely to get addicted. As a suggestion,

people

Use synonyms

should realize that the idea of cosmetic

surgery

Use synonyms

is completely outdated.

Submitted by Pongsathon - Cartoon - ISARANUSORN on Fri Jun 05 2020

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response

Strong arguments presented for both sides of the issue; clear introduction and conclusion summarizing the main points effectively.

Coherence and Cohesion

Smooth transition between ideas and paragraphs; cohesive structure throughout the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

527 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5.5
band
Mrs Barrett, an English-speaking woman who lives in your town, has advertised for someone to help her in her home for a few hours a day next summer. Write a letter to Mrs Barrett. In your letter: • suggest how you could help her in her home • say why you would like to do this work • explain when you will and will not be available Begin your letter as follows: Dear …………….,
I am writing this letter to inform you that I want to help you for the cleaning purposes as you advertised in the newspaper that you need someone to clean your house.
5
band
Every year several languages die out. Some people think that this is not important because life will be easier if there are fewer languages in the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree whit this statement?
It is familiar that English has become many countries’ first tongue. This phenomenon can lead to the extinction of other lingoes however, some people favour this because the fewer the variety of languages, the easier life would be. Truthfully, I do not agree with this statement however, the pros and contras over this argument will be outlined on this essay.
6.5
band
Some people feel that the exploration of space justifies a large amount of government and private investment. Other people think that this field is of increasingly low relevance, and should not be a priority. Debate both sides of this discussion, and explain your own view. How important is it for us to explore space at the moment?
The issue of whether some people think that the exploration of space justifies a large amount of government and private investment. While some argue that this field is of increasingly low relevance, and should not be a priority, I firmly believe that the exploration of space should be a priority.
5
band
n the future all cars,buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people traveling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?
Due to the advancement of technology, cars are expected to become driverless, which only passengers are inside the vehicles without drivers. In my opinion, the advantages of this innovation outweigh the disadvantages.
5.5
band
Robots and artificial intelligent are being developed to replace humans in the workplace. why is this happening? Do you think this will have positive or negative impact on society?
Around the world, robots and artificial intelligence called "AI" are being developed to replace humans in the workplace. in the writer will talk about why is happening and that is a positive or negative impact on society.

INCREASING NUMBER OF PEOPLE ARE CHOOSING COSMETOLOGY SURGERY TO IMPROVE THEIR APPEARANCE?WHAT ARE THE REASONS?DO YOU THINK IS IT A POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE DEVELOPMENT?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Every year several languages die out. Some people think that this is not important because life will be easier if there are fewer languages in the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree whit this statement?

n the future all cars,buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people traveling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?

Robots and artificial intelligent are being developed to replace humans in the workplace. why is this happening? Do you think this will have positive or negative impact on society?