IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people believe that globalization is leading to culture of individual country being lost. What can be done to protect a society traditional values?

Due to
Linking Words
 globalization, many countries are losing
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 cultural value and encouraging foreign things into daily activities. In order to protect
own
Correct pronoun usage
its own
show examples
 traditional values, the
government
Use synonyms
 should encourage local musicians, writers and in
school
Use synonyms
 foreign
language
Use synonyms
 should be made compulsory
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the secondary
level
Use synonyms
. It is true that because of globalization most countries are supporting foreign
talents
Use synonyms
 and
due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
own
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
traditional talent is not encouraged. To protect our own traditional
talents
Use synonyms
, the
government
Use synonyms
 should subsidize and encourage local writers, musicians, dancers and costume makers.
As a result
Linking Words
, our own
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
 talent is utilized and maintained.
For example
Linking Words
, a recent article published by the Times of India in January 2020 revealed that there is an increase in the number of tourists in Nepal to see their
talents
Use synonyms
 because its
government
Use synonyms
 are supporting them
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
show examples
 so as to maintain Nepali dances, poems and costumes. Another possible solution to protect own traditional values is that foreign
language
Use synonyms
 should be learnt in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
secondary
school
Use synonyms
. If a child learns foreign languages when he or she is secondary
level
Use synonyms
, they will have better command
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 own native
language
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Chinese
Use synonyms
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
, Chinese Local
Language
Use synonyms
 is compulsory from the
entry
Add a hyphen
entry-level
show examples
level
Use synonyms
 of
school
Use synonyms
 and
other foreign
Change the wording
another foreign language
other foreign languages
show examples
language
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as English and French are learnt
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the higher secondary
level
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 has resulted in the command and fluency with their people in
Chinese
Correct article usage
the Chinese
show examples
Language
Use synonyms
 only. In conclusion, only when the
government
Use synonyms
support
Correct subject-verb agreement
supports
show examples
 and
subsidies
Correct your spelling
subsidises
show examples
 the local
talents
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
prolong
Fix the infinitive
to prolong
show examples
 the learning of another
language
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
secondary
Correct article usage
the secondary
show examples
level
Use synonyms
, will the problem of protecting
own
Correct pronoun usage
its own
show examples
 traditional values be solved.

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grammar
Consider rephrasing 'its cultural value' to 'their cultural values' for grammatical accuracy. Additionally, when you mention 'foreign talents', it's important to clarify that this anthropogenic influence is often both positive and negative.
grammar
Ensure subject-verb agreement, e.g., change 'the government are supporting' to 'the government is supporting'.
content
Expand on your ideas a bit more to provide a deeper analysis or additional context to support your points.
content
You have identified relevant issues related to globalization and its impact on local culture.
content
You provided a real-life example to support your argument about the need for government support of local talents, which adds credibility to your points.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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