IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?

#people #exercise #time #health
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays people doing jobs at
different firm
Suggestion
different firms
a different firm
 mostly have a fixed routine and, making a
time
Use synonyms
 for their families are
also
Linking Words
 sometime
challanges
take exception to
challenges
 faced among them.
In
Suggestion
On
such
Linking Words
 schedule it is only important to focus on duty rather than other physical exercises that may create health issues for long term
such
Linking Words
 as diabetes. In my opinion, at least
few hours
Suggestion
a few hours
 in a week an individual should prepare to do
exercise
Suggestion
exercises
 that can be planned in many ways as discussed below.
Initially
Linking Words
, almost all public who
are
Suggestion
is
 busy half of their
day
Use synonyms
 in duty should
also
Linking Words
 be analysed
that is
Linking Words
, either it is all
day
Use synonyms
 on a table or shifting one place to another for many
puposes
an anticipated outcome that is intended or that guides your planned actions
purposes
.
For example
Linking Words
, a school or college teacher have to think and be actively involved in each
students
Suggestion
student's
 desk for certain hours are tired after all
day
Use synonyms
 in their
offfices
place of business where professional or clerical duties are performed
offices
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in
such
Linking Words
sutuation
the general state of things; the combination of circumstances at a given time
situation
situations
 where
working place
Suggestion
the working place
 has
lot
Suggestion
lots
 of physical stress do not require above sports for remaining fit.
In
Suggestion
On
 the other hand, another group of public who have to prepare all paper and submit
timely sometimes
Accept comma addition
timely, sometimes
 do not even have
time
Use synonyms
 to eat properly.
For example
Linking Words
, an individual who
is staying
Suggestion
stays
 on
computer
Suggestion
the computer
a computer
 all
day
Use synonyms
 have risk of other health problem relating to
eyes
Suggestion
the eyes
 and, obesity
due
Suggestion
Due
 to lack of exercise.
In addition
Linking Words
, one who maintains proper diet and regular workouts that may be spiritual for
little
Suggestion
less
time
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 can get rid of many problems. In conclusion, exercises are not only the ultimate resource to remain fit and
healthy but
Accept comma addition
healthy, but
, other ways if one has very busy
life
Accept comma addition
life, then
then
Linking Words
 they must eat
little
Suggestion
less
 and do short period workouts like yoga,
warmup
Suggestion
warm up
 and many more for few
Use synonyms
time
Suggestion
times
 before getting ready to start the
day
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by Avaya Bhattarai on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Time constraints
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Passive leisure activities
  • Workplace wellness programs
  • Active commuting
  • Subsidized
  • Public awareness
  • Health benefits
  • Incentivizing
  • Accessible public spaces
What to do next:
Look at other essays: