IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Examine the arguments in favor or against animal experimentation and come to a conclusion on this issue.

#arguments #favor #experimentation #conclusion
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is widely debated whether animals should be used or not for experiments. In the past animal experimentation has brought us a great deal of development and new discoveries against diseases and pathologies. I believe that, without those experiments, we would not have arrived where we are now and
therefore
Linking Words
, I cannot deny the utility of scarifying animals for medical purposes.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, I think that the advanced technology of
this
Linking Words
 century
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 should help us
abandoning
Wrong verb form
abandon
show examples
 these kinds of experiments, as
this
Linking Words
 is an unethical practice that we continue to perpetuate for reason of convenience,
instead
Linking Words
 of looking at proper alternatives. Even though
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
science is a very complex field and we cannot tell what are the best choices there, I am sure that,
for example
Linking Words
, we could avoid animal experimentation in the
cosmetic’s
Change noun form
cosmetics
show examples
 field. To threaten the lives of animals for
such
Linking Words
a non-essential products
Correct the article-noun agreement
non-essential products
a non-essential product
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 extremely unethical and it may even cause some species to
dye
Correct your spelling
die
show examples
 out. There are many possible alternatives to
animal tested
Add a hyphen
animal-tested
show examples
 cosmetics, we should just make the effort to look at
product’s
Change noun form
product
show examples
 labels and bring more awareness around what we buy. Sometimes by increasing
slightly
Rephrase
apply
show examples
our budget, we can opt for eco-friendly products that will bring more
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 us and the surrounding environment.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, we are the ones who create
product’s
Change noun form
product
show examples
 demand, and
therefore
Linking Words
 we should be more responsible for choosing what we buy. I believe that, where possible, science should give up on animal experimentation, and on our side, we should inform ourselves on how to avoid
such
Linking Words
 a thing, even
for example
Linking Words
 by signing petitions against it. In our daily life, we should become more critical consumers, in order to avoid
this
Linking Words
 unnecessary exploitation.
Submitted by Fulvia on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: