Today, TV channels provide men’s sport shows more than women’s sports shows. Why? Should TV channels give equal time for women’s sport and men’s sport?’

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Some people have different opinions concerning the question of should
TV
Use synonyms
channels
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give equal
time
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to
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women
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’s
sport
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sports
show examples
and
men’s
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sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
.
This
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essay will discuss
both
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pros and cons of
this
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statement. On one hand,
TV
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channels
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shouldn’t give equivalent
time
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for
both
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Use synonyms
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
and
men’s
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TV
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channels
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. First and foremost, nowadays, we can easily see that men watch more
sports
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than
women
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. The reason why
this
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happens is that
women
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tend to relax by other activities than watching
sports
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and when they watch the
TV
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they won’t be watching
sports
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. They often watch game shows
and
Correct word choice
apply
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comedy and movies more than
sports
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.
Therefore
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,
provide
Wrong verb form
providing
show examples
more
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women
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’s
sports
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time
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won’t attract many
women
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audiences
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.
Besides
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, if they change the
time
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for
men’s
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and
women
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‘s
sports
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show
Fix the agreement mistake
shows
show examples
they might lose some male
audiences
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since males nowadays go to work more than females do so if they change the
time
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of the shows some guys will give up on watching
sports
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because of their restricted schedule.
Moreover
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,
this
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will exacerbate the figure of
this
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channel by creating a significant degradation in the number of viewers and the economy
On the other hand
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, we should
put
Verb problem
take
show examples
this
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problem into consideration.
In other words
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,
provide
Wrong verb form
providing
show examples
equivalent
time
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for
both
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gender’s
sports
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shows may bring some benefits for
TV
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channels
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and the viewers.
Firstly
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, since
sports
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are indispensable nowadays, raising more
time
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for
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women
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’s
sports
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shows may attract an abundant number of
audiences
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with
Change preposition
of
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all kinds of genders and ages, not just men and boys.
Therefore
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,
this
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will increase the number of the audience watching
sports
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every day, and increase the amount of money those
channels
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make. At the same
time
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, female
audiences
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will have general views about
sports
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and they, later on, might like to watch
sports
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, too. Apart from that, if others company sees the rising figure in those companies they might offer them sponsorship and commercials so
both
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companies will earn a profit.
As a result
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, they will attract more female
audiences
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,
women
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will watch
sports
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more and more and that television company might make a lot of money from them, too. In conclusion,
while
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some have different opinions, I opine that giving equal
time
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for
men’s
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and
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women
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’s
sports
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may not only bring advantages but
also
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brings
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bring
show examples
disadvantages.
Submitted by Nam Anh on

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task achievement
Your essay would benefit from more specific examples to support your points, particularly about the relationship between gender and sports viewership.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports or builds on your central thesis. Some transitions could be smoother.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced view, discussing both pros and cons regarding equal time for men's and women's sports on TV.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical, with a clear introduction and conclusion, which guide the reader through your main points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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