IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

There seems to be an increasing number of serious crimes committed each year. While some think the best way is to use death penalty as a deterrent, many people believe that other measures will be needed. Discuss both sides.

#crimes #year #think #death #penalty #deterrent #people #measures
Serious
Suggestion
The serious crime rate
crime
 rate has been increasing year by year. Some people believe that the death penalty should be considered in order to discourage these crimes.
However
, others think that different measures should be taken in consideration. I will discuss both views below, before arriving at a conclusion. One the one hand, considering death penalty as a possibility of conviction could definitely act as a dissuasive method to lower serious
crime
 rate, as it has a tremendous psychological effect.
For instance
, its impossibility of being appealed in court could constitute an effective psychological barrier that would help serious crimes to be avoided. Another consideration about capital punishment is that it attacks the problem by eliminating the offender, which could be considered as a guarantee of non recidivism.
On the other hand
,
society
 should not consider to rely solely on dissuasive methods, but to address the root of the problem. Recent studies indicate that one of the most important aspects of individuals who commit serious
crime
 is
the low
Suggestion
lower
 or non-existent academic education, leading that to the impossibility of applying for formal jobs.
Thus
, a good way of preventing crimes from its very origin, would be to give the opportunity of those potential criminals to be educated and integrated into the
society
 through formal employment. In conclusion,
although
 dissuasive methods would help to lower
crime
 rates, it would not address the underlying problem associated to integrate individuals to
society
.
Therefore
, considering alternate measures
such
 as the described above would be more beneficial for USE SYNONYMS
companyhumanitycommunitynationculturecivilizationworldpublicassociationpopulation
Suggestion
Companyhumanitycommunitynationculturecivilizationworldpublicassociationpopulation
 It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.
society
an extended social group having a distinctive cultural and economic organization
Society
.
Submitted by pablojmartos on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • deterrent
  • recidivism
  • rehabilitation
  • ethical considerations
  • economic factors
  • social factors
  • community policing
  • public opinion
  • recidivism rates
  • community-driven initiatives
  • modern policing methods
  • death penalty
  • serious crimes
  • crime rates
What to do next:
Look at other essays: