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Band 2.5

An increasing trend nowadays is for young adult to play computer games. Some people say this is a negative development. Discuss and give your opinion

#trend #adult #computer #games #people #development
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Nowadays, there is a growing tendency amongst young people
to play
Suggestion
play
computer
 games. Some adults believe that
this
 leisure time
activity
 can have a bad influence on them. From my point of view playing electronic games lead to serious consequences for
children
Suggestion
child
children's
 development.
First
 of all,
computer
 games can have
detrimental impact
Suggestion
a detrimental impact
 on
children
Suggestion
children's
child
child's
 mental health which is
enough vulnerable
Suggestion
vulnerable enough
 at their young age.
Such
 leisure time
activity
 could trigger an aggressive
behavior
manner of acting or controlling yourself
behaviour
 by teenagers. It is well
known many cases
Suggestion
known in many cases
 when parents are killed by their game addicted children.
Furthermore
,
such
 young people tend to do different
damages whether
Accept comma addition
damages, whether
 attempting suicide or doing some injury.
In addition
,
computer
 games harm not only mental
health but
Accept comma addition
health, but
also
 physical health. Teenagers spending too much time on
computer
 games have no physical
activity
 while other children of the same age doing sports which is crucial for young
adults
Suggestion
adult
 development. Lack of
activity
,
for example
, karate, gymnastics, boxing can lead to decreasing in immunity, frequent illness. In conclusion, I believe that
computer
 games have
negative impact
Suggestion
a negative impact
 on
children
Suggestion
child
child's
children's
 development.
Consequently
, if young people are not allowed to play
computer
 games, they will be much healthier.
Submitted by Ruzana Meretukova on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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