An increasing trend nowadays is for young adult to play computer games. Some people say this is a negative development. Discuss and give your opinion

#trend #adult #computer #games #people #development

Nowadays, there is a growing tendency amongst young people

to play

Suggestion

play

computer

games. Some adults believe that

this

leisure time

activity

can have a bad influence on them. From my point of view playing electronic games lead to serious consequences for

children

Suggestion

child

children's

development.

First

of all,

computer

games can have

detrimental impact

Suggestion

a detrimental impact

children

Suggestion

children's

child

child's

mental health which is

enough vulnerable

Suggestion

vulnerable enough

at their young age.

Such

leisure time

activity

could trigger an aggressive

behavior

manner of acting or controlling yourself

behaviour

by teenagers. It is well

known many cases

Suggestion

known in many cases

when parents are killed by their game addicted children.

Furthermore

such

young people tend to do different

damages whether

Accept comma addition

damages, whether

attempting suicide or doing some injury.

In addition

computer

games harm not only mental

health but

Accept comma addition

health, but

also

physical health. Teenagers spending too much time on

computer

games have no physical

activity

while other children of the same age doing sports which is crucial for young

adults

Suggestion

adult

development. Lack of

activity

for example

, karate, gymnastics, boxing can lead to decreasing in immunity, frequent illness. In conclusion, I believe that

computer

games have

negative impact

Suggestion

a negative impact

children

Suggestion

child

child's

children's

development.

Consequently

, if young people are not allowed to play

computer

games, they will be much healthier.

Submitted by Ruzana Meretukova on Mon Jun 08 2020

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Fully explain your ideas

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Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

192 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.5

Complete response

4.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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An increasing trend nowadays is for young adult to play computer games. Some people say this is a negative development. Discuss and give your opinion

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

Modern technology is now very common in most workplaces. How do you think has changed the way we work? Do you think there are disadvantages of relying to much on technology?

Some people argue that it is the responsibility of the police to educate children about good behavior, whereas others believe that parents should be responsible for children. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Too much emphasis is given for education of the young. More government money should be spent to free time activity of young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?