An increasing trend nowadays is for young adult to play computer games. Some people say this is a negative development. Discuss and give your opinion

#trend #adult #computer #games #people #development

Nowadays, there is a growing tendency amongst young people who play

computer

games. Some adults believe that

this

leisure time

activity

can have a bad influence on them. From my point of view playing electronic games lead to serious consequences for

children

Suggestion

child

children's

development.

First

of all,

computer

games can have

detrimental impact

Suggestion

a detrimental impact

children

Suggestion

children's

child

child's

mental health which is

enough vulnerable

Suggestion

vulnerable enough

at their young age. Unfortunately,

such

leisure time

activity

could trigger an aggressive

behavior

manner of acting or controlling yourself

behaviour

by teenagers. It is well

known many cases

Suggestion

known in many cases

when parents are killed by their game addicted children.

Besides

such

young people tend to do different

damages whether

Accept comma addition

damages, whether

attempting suicide or doing some injury.

Second

computer

games harm not only mental

health but

Accept comma addition

health, but

also

physical health. Teenagers spending too much time on

computer

games have no physical

activity

while other children of the same age doing sports which is crucial for young

adults

Suggestion

adult

development. Lack of sport

activity

such

as karate, gymnastics, boxing can lead to decreasing in immunity, frequent illness. In conclusion, I believe that

computer

games have

negative impact

Suggestion

a negative impact

children

Suggestion

child

child's

children's

development.

Consequently

, if young people are not allowed to play

computer

games, they will be much healthier

Submitted by Ruzana Meretukova on Mon Jun 08 2020

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Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

193 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.5

Complete response

4.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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An increasing trend nowadays is for young adult to play computer games. Some people say this is a negative development. Discuss and give your opinion

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people says that it is a waste of public money to spend on cultural events, others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Popular events like the football World Cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way. To what extent do you agree or diagree with this opinion?

In recent years, there has been a rise in the use of performance-enhancing drugs in sports. What are the consequences of doping for athletes? What measures should be taken to combat this issue?

ln some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?