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Band 5.5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmers (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #service #part #school #programmers #charity #neighbourhood #sports #children
Everyone has experience of studying at school. Several individuals suppose unpaid service ought to be a mandatory step of school programs. In my opinion,
this
 has harmed our quality in two main areas. It considers that a large part of the money, which was paid by scholars may help to pay the salary for teachers.
While
this
 may be true to some extent, it
also
 means that students have a great number of different subjects to study within a limited period and that would become harder in case the community programs are made compulsory for them.
For example
, in Kazakhstan, most of the schools added additional subjects recently in the curriculum of high schools.
Furthermore
, scholars may fail in the exams,
this
 can lead to facing
challengers
Correct your spelling
challenges
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, thereby a student with honours must be paid by the district service
due to
 his abilities.
This
 brings me to my second point. It comes as no surprise that by these office communities, people in the power of the seminary will be able to invest a lot of money to reconstruct and develop an institute.
This
 may be true.
However
, I would argue that a major number of pupils are likely to feel difficulties and dissatisfaction
while
 implementing
such
 activities among others.
Besides
, it would develop negative emotions and attitudes towards
the
Correct article usage
apply
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unpaid neighbourhood duty.
Consequently
,
this
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 may lose interest and motivation
in doing
Change preposition
to do
show examples
 these kinds of services later. To crown it all, one should not ignore the fact that if centre services become a part of high academy education, every member must get a chance to work for society.
This
 program can generate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
passion in the
students'
Correct your spelling
student's
show examples
 eyes to progress.
Nevertheless
, scholars should be more focused on education and ought not to be forced to do something that may detract them from achieving their main goals.
Submitted by Алибек on

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Task Achievement
Provide a clear thesis statement in the introduction that directly states your position on the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure coherence and logical flow by organizing your ideas into paragraphs and using appropriate transition words.
Task Achievement
Use more specific and relevant examples to support your points.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to improve clarity and coherence.
Task Achievement
Expand on your arguments and provide more detailed explanations for your opinions.
Lexical Resource
Consider using more varied vocabulary to enhance your writing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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