IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Some think that developing a successful career is more important than spending time with family and friends, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give our own opinion.

#think #career #time #friends
Family time and careers are two of the largest aspects
in
Suggestion
of
 an
individuals
Suggestion
individual's
 life. Some may agree that career holds a larger importance than family while
on the other hand
 some may disagree. To me, both may have its
postitives
characterized by or displaying affirmation or acceptance or certainty etc.
positives
 and negatives, but which would hold a higher
importace
the quality of being important and worthy of note
importance
 to me? In today's society a man is always defined by his job, his title or achievements he has earned. Many
millenials
Suggestion
Millenials
millionaires
millions
this
days
Suggestion
day
 always would tend to believe
by
Suggestion
in
 working hard in life
,
Accept space
,
 rising up the company
hierachy
a series of ordered groupings of people or things within a system
hierarchy
 and holding
mnagement
the act of managing something
management
 positions would help them in their financial freedom. By
acheiving
to gain with effort
achieving
 their financial freedom they would be able to shower their families with the luxuries and the best education for their children. Many
also
 tend to forget the quote,"in sickness and health " a famous quote always mentioned at weddings where a spouse takes an oath towards his beloved one. Families
has always been
Suggestion
have always been
 a grounding for
everyone no
Accept comma addition
everyone, no
 matter how
successfull
having succeeded or being marked by a favorable outcome
successful
 a person is. Families would always stick by each other to help each other overcome difficulties and
moreover
 to share the successes in any moment in life. Though being financially
independently
Suggestion
independent
i
refers to the speaker or writer
I
 strongly
belive
accept as true; take to be true
believe
 that both a
successfull
having succeeded or being marked by a favorable outcome
successful
 career and having a family's support works hand-in-hand. Without either would be like a building without one of its legs.
Submitted by Hareshpal Singh Sandhu on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: