IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Many people think that happiness relies on the responsibility of individuals, others think that it is affected by other factors. Discuss both views and state your opinion.

#people #happiness #responsibility #individuals #factors
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
People hold different views as to if being blissful in
life
Use synonyms
 depends upon a person or it is influenced by some external factors. In my opinion, I completely agree with the latter view. On the one hand, some people believe that emotions can be controlled by an individual, and
thus
Linking Words
 remains unaffected by outer environment.
This
Linking Words
 is because of living an ascetic
life
Use synonyms
 and having a minimalistic approach towards it.
For example
Linking Words
, a renowned businessman, in the United States, living in a small apartment owning only four pairs of clothes and two shoes. The reason is to not attach its emotions with material things and choose to be self-content in
life
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
 people often rely on meditation, which is proved to be helpful in controlling the emotions of an individual.
This
Linking Words
 shows that adopting a simple way of living and performing some breathing exercises, a person can control its happiness.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I believe that with globalisation and improved standard of living the happiness of a person may be affected by external factors like earning wealth, having possession or achieving fame. In the contemporary era, a human needs and emotions have been evolved and are attached with some factors.
This
Linking Words
 may be to accomplish something in
life
Use synonyms
 or possessing some valuable things;
hence
Linking Words
, emotions are relied on chasing their dreams.
For instance
Linking Words
, according to a survey published by Stanford University, in the UK, concluded that 84% of people accepted that they remain unsatisfied unless they achieve their dreams.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, is it
also
Linking Words
 evident on a child that unless it is provided with the desired things
such
Linking Words
 as a toy or a video game, it remains unhappy. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 there are few instances where people have control
on
Suggestion
of
 their emotions, largely it depends upon some external factors.
Submitted by ytuytuytut on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • individual responsibility
  • personal mindset
  • proactive steps
  • self-improvement
  • socio-economic status
  • relationships
  • environmental conditions
  • external factors
  • positive attitude
  • pursuit of happiness
  • facilitate
  • hamper
  • proactive engagement
  • sense of achievement
  • conducive environment
What to do next:
Look at other essays: