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Band 4

"Fatherhood ought to be emphasised as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up." To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#fatherhood #motherhood #idea #women #babies #children
In our
society it
Accept comma addition
society, it
 is often thought that to look after
child’s
Suggestion
the child’s
a child’s
upbringing
 and the household chores is a
women’s
Suggestion
woman’s
 job while to earn money and to fulfil the financial needs of the family is a man’s job. But today as the whole world is
taking
an exchange of ideas via conversation
talking
 about women empowerment more and more women are getting involved in the jobs which were thought as men’s work.
Hence women
Accept comma addition
Hence, women
 too must go out and work like men. Due to
this
 they need to manage their house and career simultaneously. So usually the decision to have or not to have a
child
 it often taken by women as they will need to look after their babies and will not be able to concentrate on their career.
Also
, it is the women who
undergoes
Suggestion
undergo
 physiological and psychological changes during
pregnancy it
Accept comma addition
pregnancy, it
 is very much justified that women have the right to decide to have or not to have a
child
. But it is not at all right to think that it is solely a women’s task to look after
child’s
Suggestion
the child’s
a child’s
upbringing
. It is very important for both the parents to get involved
into
Suggestion
in
child’s
Suggestion
the child’s
a child’s
upbringing
.
Further there
Accept comma addition
Further, there
 are many stages in the
child
’s life which needed to be tackled by
father
Suggestion
the father
.
Hence parents
Accept comma addition
Hence, parents
 should divide their task.
For example
,
mother
Suggestion
a mother
 will go to drop the
child
 to school while it would be the father’s duty to pick him up after the classes. Many times, it is seen that when fathers are asked about their
child
’s hobbies they are not able to answer it.
This
 shows that fathers are not at all spending their time with their children.
This
 makes a negative impression on
child’s mind
Suggestion
the child’s mind
a child’s mind
.
Therefore
,
this
 is the time to abolish the thought that the women are solely responsible for
child
upbringing
 and encourage joint parenthood. So that
child
 gets connected to both of his parents and vice versa.
Submitted by PRINCY PATEL on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Equal Parenting
  • 2. Gender Roles
  • 3. Societal Expectations
  • 4. Emotional Well-being
  • 5. Psychological Development
  • 6. Legal Frameworks
  • 7. Workplace Policies
  • 8. Gender Equality
  • 9. Traditional Responsibilities
  • 10. Active Fatherhood
  • 11. Balanced Development
  • 12. Undue Burden
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