IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some parents are worried about the increasing level of violence in TV, video games and other entertainment for children's leisure. How does this affect the children? How do you think this problem can be tackled?

#parents #level #violence #tv #video #games #entertainment #children #leisure #affect
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Choosing the right kind of games for children is a concern for many parents.Technology today is rapidly increasing and has led to the use of video games amongst kids.Children use various modes of entertainment activities as watching
T
Use synonyms
V
Use synonyms
 playing video games or other board games which can be very harmful to the physical and mental well being of the child. With increasing network new video games are now being introduced which is very addictive for the youngsters.New games like a blue whale, which is now banned made many children to commit suicide because of its general instructions.The recent game which is widely liked by many youngsters is pub g which is again a violent game and has curbed violence in the youths. Many
T
Use synonyms
V
Use synonyms
 series like WWE is a fighting game which encourages kids to learn the techniques to fight with other people. The increasing number of violent games has led youths to increase the number of crimes in our country.Children tend to develop a mindset which is very cruel, they are always filled with anger have aggressive problems and are very tantrum showing the kids.They act stubborn, which again is because of these games which they play the
T
Use synonyms
V
Use synonyms
 series they watch. Parents have to be very choosy about the games their children play and the serials they watch.Because these young kids are the future of our country and their mental development is very important.The cognitive development of the chid together builds the backbone of the Indian future.The mental health can be improved by making them watch good
T
Use synonyms
V
Use synonyms
 programmes and having a positive talk with the child.
Submitted by jessica dhawan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: