IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

More and more people these days work harder and longer hours and have no time for family life and friends. What are the causes in your opinion for this? How is it affecting family life and the society as a whole?

#people #work #hours #time #life #friends #society
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Nowdays
Suggestion
Now days
 people are working harder more
Linking Words
then
conjunction used in comparatives
than
 ever and have long working hours.
as
Suggestion
As
this
Linking Words
 has negatively affected their social
life
Use synonyms
 and relationship status.
Linking Words
this
Suggestion
This
 essay will discuss the following factors causing
this
Linking Words
 situation. For a number of reasons people are working hard these days as
this
Linking Words
 can be seen from their long working hours.
Linking Words
firstly their
Accept comma addition
Firstly, there
Firstly their
Firstly there
firstly there
 is tough working competition as for a single job position thousands of people are
competiting
compete for something; engage in a contest; measure oneself against others
competing
 and private companies are firing their
employes
a worker who is hired to perform a job
employees
employers
 due to performance issues.
Linking Words
further
Suggestion
Further
 business competition
are increasing
Suggestion
is increasing
 so the organizations are fixing higher targets, big budgets.
due
Suggestion
Due
 to
this
Linking Words
 the working volume tends to
increase so
Accept comma addition
increase, so
employes
a worker who is hired to perform a job
employees
employers
employed
 are forced to do more
work
Use synonyms
 taking more hours.
Linking Words
secondly
Suggestion
Secondly
, we are living in a that society where people are respected based on their assets and property so people
work
Use synonyms
 more hours or
work
Use synonyms
 overtime
to achieve
Suggestion
to achieve all this
this
Linking Words
 all. In todays
world people
Accept comma addition
world, people
 choose to
work
Use synonyms
 more as it has negatively affected the family and social
life
Use synonyms
.
in
Suggestion
In
 many of the case parents abandon their children due to working condition, some of the
childrens
a young person of either sex
children
are feel
Suggestion
are feeling
have felt
feel
 ignored due to which
they they
people in general
they
 have several health issues, many of them get addicted to video games, even drugs or with bad company.
in
Suggestion
In
 many
another
not the same one or ones already mentioned or implied
other
 cases long working hours
has seriously affected
Suggestion
have seriously affected
 the relationship status of many young couples as many of them are unable to take time for their spouses.
as
Suggestion
As
this
Linking Words
 lack proper interaction between them due to
this
Linking Words
divorse
the legal dissolution of a marriage
divorce
 rate had increased in certain years.
Linking Words
furthermore family
Accept comma addition
Furthermore, family
Furthermore family
 ties are not very strong as they used to be.
now
Suggestion
Now
 people are living a sedentary lifestyle due to their long working hours they are having very
unhealty
not in or exhibiting good health in body or mind
unhealthy
 diet and they are moving less outdoors. In
conclusion it
Accept comma addition
conclusion, it
 is true that people are more determined towards
there
of them or themselves
their
work
Use synonyms
 on the one
hand i
Accept comma addition
hand, I
hand I
 could understand as
this
Linking Words
is due to tough
Suggestion
is tough due to
competition but
Accept comma addition
competition, but
 many people does not understand that it is affecting
there
of them or themselves
their
 social and family
life
Use synonyms
 due to which depression and
divorse
the legal dissolution of a marriage
divorce
 rate has increased.
as
Suggestion
As
 personally
i
refers to the speaker or writer
I
 should believe that there should be
balance
Suggestion
a balance
 between
work
Use synonyms
 and
there
of them or themselves
their
they're
life
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by ARYAN OBEROI on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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