IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some people believe that music should be taught in schools, while others think that it is best to focus on computer and science. What is your opinion ?

#people #music #schools #focus #computer #science
The structure of the curriculum plays quite a vital role in education. While a group of people advocates the teaching of music in the schools as it lowers the academic pressure others are in the support to consider computer and science more important due to their broader aspect.
This
 essay will argue why more emphasis should be given to the latter than the former. Over the years, music has gained popularity amongst youngsters as a subject. Passion and Interest are the main reasons behind it which allow reducing the overall competitive pressure over them. They feel more connected to it and
therefore
 more focused as well. Understanding their importance, some educational institutions have made it a part of co-curricular activities. The future aspects in the field of opera are quite bright
therefore
such
 subject can be given preference.
On the contrary
, if we compare technology and science with a melody,
then
 the scope and job prospects of the former is a little higher. The complexity of the subject and universal applicability are the factors connected to it.
Therefore
. It requires additional hours and personalized teaching. In almost every job profile, one has to perform computer skills. In fact, the basic job of entering data requires
such
 skills.
Therefore
, by focusing more on them at the school level will help in developing a strong base. To conclude, music can be taught in school, but not at the sake of reducing the attention needed by computer and science. In my opinion, though the singing is important, there are other ways to develop it as a hobby but, to become proficient in the main subjects, the education centres have to devote more time.
Submitted by Jasleen on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: