IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people claim that what many people eat in western countries is unhealthy food and that their diet is getting worse. Critics say that these countries should change their diet. What are your opinions on this?

Experts believe that eating habits in a majority of developing nations are deteriorating at an alarming rate
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
 should be addressed
on
Change preposition
as
show examples
priority
Correct article usage
a priority
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. I totally agree with
the
Correct article usage
this
show examples
 same as
this
Linking Words
 is leading to health hazards among
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 population
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 there should be more focus
to enlighten
Change preposition
on enlightening
show examples
people
Use synonyms
the
Change preposition
about the
show examples
 benefits of good health. First of all, in these contemporary times, there is
a
Correct article usage
apply
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plenty of competition in corporate jobs leading to stressful work timings, which forces
people
Use synonyms
 to live a sedentary lifestyle.
Due to
Linking Words
bustling
Correct article usage
a bustling
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 schedule, one usually tends to neglect the importance of having
nutritious
Correct article usage
a nutritious
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 diet
regime
Use the right word
regimen
show examples
.
People
Use synonyms
 usually prefer having frozen foods loaded with preservatives
as
Punctuation problem
, as
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 it helps them to save cooking time and effort. Packaged
foodstuff
Check wording
food
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 not only makes them obese, but
also
Linking Words
 leads to diseases and ailments in their old age.
Secondly
Linking Words
, fast food chains run special offers as marketing gimmick which attracts children to buy unhealthy
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, a study says that Happy Meals sold at
McDonalds
Check wording
McDonald's
show examples
 are usually bought by teenagers for collecting toys.
This
Linking Words
 problem should necessarily be addressed by making teenagers aware of the merits of having a fit mind and body from an
initial
Correct word choice
early
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 age.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 should run campaigns to promote the multifarious advantages of lentils, green and leafy vegetables
etc
Punctuation problem
, etc
show examples
..
Moreover
Linking Words
, lawmakers should bring in stern laws wherein fast food chains should mandate eating options having wholesome nutrition
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their menu. To recapitulate,
habits
Correct article usage
the habits
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 in modern cities
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 exacerbated
due to
Linking Words
 busy lifestyles
leading
Punctuation problem
, leading
show examples
 to sickness in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 long run.
This
Linking Words
 should be addressed by teaching
people
Use synonyms
 the benefits of healthy eating.

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task response
Add more facts and steps. Show clearly how the ideas can help. Give a simple plan for home, school, and city life.
coherence and cohesion
Make the flow smoother. Start each paragraph with one main idea. Use simple linking words to move ideas from one to the next.
introduction and thesis
Clear view is stated in the opening and restated in the end.
content strength
There is a plan to use rules to help diet and health.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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