It is sometimes thought that people who travel outside of their own country are more tolerant and understanding of others. To what extent do you agree?

It is undeniable that travelling can help
people
change their thoughts from
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
experience of the
people
around them. There is an idea that
people
who go abroad to the rest of the world apart from their
country
are more tolerant and understanding of others. From my point of view, I agree with
this
idea for many reasons, described in the following paragraphs. To commence, many
people
that go to another
country
have met local residents. Those
people
will become open-minded
people
because of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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perception that
have
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has
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changed after they went abroad.
In addition
, the
culture
Replace the word
cultural
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diversities of the local
people
have taught them how to understand the surroundings and
people
around them by their actions and activities in everyday life.
Thus
, we have to adapt ourselves to each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
.
For instance
, if the residents in Italy prefer to wear jeans when they hang out with their friends, so we have to wear jeans like them to understand them too.
Moreover
, All the lessons that they have learnt cultivate their
tolerant
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tolerance
show examples
of many situations in their lives by its failure from the things that they have done in many countries.
Thus
, they can adapt themselves to
be in
Verb problem
apply
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a lot of difficult situations, even though the incident from the mistake has happened, they will always have
second
Add an article
a second
show examples
plan to fix
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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by
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apply
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its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
experience from the rest of the world. In simple
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
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, the experience can
also
help them to pass many incidents in their life by aiding them in many aspects,
such
as the concepts from the cultures and the managerial skills from living alone without the control of parents. In conclusion, I strongly agree with
this
idea since it seems to me that many
people
who went abroad
,
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apply
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and
came
Wrong verb form
come
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back to their own
country
can illustrate
the
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to the
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people
around them
about
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apply
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the skills that they have learnt from all across the world
by
Change preposition
through
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their characteristics
that is
cultivated by travelling in the foreign
country
.
Submitted by NAT NATTANAN on

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task response
Provide a clear thesis statement in the introduction to clearly address the question. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a specific point related to the main topic and provide examples to support your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the introduction and conclusion by restating the main points and thesis statement. Use transition words to connect ideas and create a smoother flow between paragraphs.
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