IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is sometimes thought that people who travel outside of their own country are more tolerant and understanding of others. To what extent do you agree?

It is undeniable that travelling can help
people
Use synonyms
 change their thoughts from
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 experience of the
people
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 around them. There is an idea that
people
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 who go abroad to the rest of the world apart from their
country
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 are more tolerant and understanding of others. From my point of view, I agree with
this
Linking Words
 idea for many reasons, described in the following paragraphs. To commence, many
people
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 that go to another
country
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 have met local residents. Those
people
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 will become open-minded
people
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 because of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 perception that
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 changed after they went abroad.
In addition
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, the
culture
Replace the word
cultural
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 diversities of the local
people
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 have taught them how to understand the surroundings and
people
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 around them by their actions and activities in everyday life.
Thus
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, we have to adapt ourselves to each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
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.
For instance
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, if the residents in Italy prefer to wear jeans when they hang out with their friends, so we have to wear jeans like them to understand them too.
Moreover
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, All the lessons that they have learnt cultivate their
tolerant
Replace the word
tolerance
show examples
 of many situations in their lives by its failure from the things that they have done in many countries.
Thus
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, they can adapt themselves to
be in
Verb problem
apply
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a lot of difficult situations, even though the incident from the mistake has happened, they will always have
second
Add an article
a second
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 plan to fix
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 experience from the rest of the world. In simple
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
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, the experience can
also
Linking Words
 help them to pass many incidents in their life by aiding them in many aspects,
such
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 as the concepts from the cultures and the managerial skills from living alone without the control of parents. In conclusion, I strongly agree with
this
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 idea since it seems to me that many
people
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 who went abroad
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and
came
Wrong verb form
come
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 back to their own
country
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 can illustrate
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
people
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 around them
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the skills that they have learnt from all across the world
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 their characteristics
that is
Linking Words
 cultivated by travelling in the foreign
country
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Provide a clear thesis statement in the introduction to clearly address the question. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a specific point related to the main topic and provide examples to support your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the introduction and conclusion by restating the main points and thesis statement. Use transition words to connect ideas and create a smoother flow between paragraphs.
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